“If you want to create something extraordinary, remember: what matters the MOST is how you show up in your day-to-day life.”

Episode 235

Why You Aren’t Doing the Things You Know You Should Be Doing

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Hello, Gorgeous Soul.

Ok, let’s talk about WHY you’re not doing the things you know you should be doing.

“I know what I should be doing, Kristen. I’m just not doing them.”

Ok. Here is the truth.

The life you have right now has been created by the choices you have chosen, the decisions you have made, the activities you have engaged in.

Whatever life feels like right now is the result of your past decisions. What you have chosen to eat, what you’ve chosen to allow, what you’ve chosen to tolerate, what you’ve chosen to ignore, where you’ve chosen to put your attention, how you’ve chosen to spend your time.

ALL of the things that you do or don’t do each day, how you show up or don’t show up each day sets the tone for your life.

Your days set the tone for your week.

Your week sets the tone for your months.

Your months set the tone for your years.

Your years set the tone for your life.

And sometimes we need that reminder that, at the end of the day, it’s the DAILY habits that hold the most power.

If you want to create something amazing, if you have a goal for yourself whether that’s to take better care of yourself or just feel LIGHTER and more PEACE in your life…you need to remember that what matters the MOST is how you show up in your day to day life.

And I like to go even more micro here.

Your minutes set the tone for your day.

How you spend your MINUTES matters because THAT is what is accumulating to create your entire life.

Which is actually great news if right now your life doesn’t feel how you want it to feel in a certain area or maybe in all the areas.

Because you only have to focus on the choices and decisions you are choosing in THIS minute. Knowing that if you are making that decision through your future self filter, you are creating what you want for your future self.

Realistically you KNOW that it’s impossible to change every thing over night but SO many people, when you start thinking about really making changes THAT is where you focus.

There’s SO much I need to change.

I need to overhaul EVERYTHING I am doing, everything I’m eating, how I’m sleeping, how I’m spending my time, how I’m thinking ALL OF IT.

That is overwhelming AF.

And if your nervous system doesn’t shut that shit down IMMEDIATELY, just give it a minute. It WILL. Willpower will only take you a short distance before it runs out. And now you’re just even more exhausted.

If you want to create a Calm AF Life, the MOST impactful and FASTEST and peaceful way to do this is to focus on Right now.

Of course, It IS important to know what you want to create. tYou DO want to have a good idea about what your future self life looks and feels like so that you can always be running decisions through the future self filter of Does this support the life I want? What would my future self say about this? This is why in Calm AF Life every single month we repeat the Future Self workshop.

We need to know what we want so we can HEAR the answers when we put it through the filter.

But at the end of the day it’s the daily habits, the moment by moment choices, the seemingly tiniest shifts that are what will create a Calm AF Life, not just for a little bit, but for good, forever, for life.

So why do we RESIST this so hard? We all cognitively KNOW the things we could be doing every day in order to feel better, so why are you not doing it?

I’m gonna share three common reasons AND how to move past it.

  1. You think you can’t feel better until the transformation is complete.This is the backwards messaging that we’ve all been and are continuously programmed to believe. You aren’t good enough UNTIL you lose the weight. You aren’t good enough UNTIL you have success at work. YOu aren’t good enough UNTIL you look 10 years younger. You aren’t good enough UNTIL you arrive at the AFTER picture. The truth HERE though is that when you make a future self decision in a moment you have a win. The wins add up. A team doesn’t win the World Series by sucking through the whole season. It’s the smaller wins that add up.
  2. You want instant gratification.The reason why we turn to alcohol, food, scrolling, Netflix, self help hoarding is because you want to get rid of this uncomfortable feeling NOW. I don’t have TIME for small shifts, I don’t have it IN me to feel this way, I need relief. I need to feel instantly better. And listen, sometimes we choose the instant gratification, ok? Sometimes I KNOW that what will serve me the most when I’m feeling anxious is some deep breathing and a visit to the feelings room to process whatever is coming up and I will totally choose Netflix and girl scout cookies instead. The difference for me now versus past me is that today I do it mindfully. Past me did it mindlessly. I didn’t know how to feel feelings like anger or sadness or fear without fixing it, shoving it down, pushing through. Now I do and sometimes I STILL choose instant gratification because I want relief without having to do the work. Because whatever. So what? The majority of the time, though? I’m choosing the tiny shifts that make me feel one notch better NOW for the sake of the future self life I am creating.
  3. You think there is a right or wrong way to do it.

You think there is a right or a wrong place to start. You think you have to have a PLAN, you need a lot of time to COME UP with the plan, you need a lot of time in your day to implement the plan. AKA you complicate the shit out of something that is supposed to be making your life easier. And because of THIS you don’t do anything. I spend a lot of time with my Calm AF LIfe members and one of the things I am reminding them of almost every time we meet is that there is no standard right answer for almost anything they’re asking. “I went into the feelings room but I don’t know if I’m doing it right. I am setting intentions but I don’t know if I’m doing it right. I want to declutter but I don’t know the right place to start.”

I promise you it doesn’t fucking matter. ALL effort is moving the needle. Even the INTENTION to set the intention moves the needle. Maybe the most impactful coaching tool I have every created, that has stood the test of time that people I worked with more than a decade ago come back and tell me has changed their lives more than anything is Do it shitty. Set a shitty intention. DO a shitty decluttering job. Just DO it, so you can learn how YOU like to set intentions

You put a LOT of pressure on how your daily habits LOOK. Specifically you think every day should look the SAME in order for it to count. And I am here to tell you THAT is simply not true. If doing things the same way every day is your jam, if you are like a person who thrives on sameness, DO YOUR THING.

Just know that that actually doesn’t really matter. I am not that person and maybe you’re not either. I am a person who changes my mind, who gets excited about things quickly and just as quickly loses interest, who reads half of almost every book, who starts projects and gets bored of them before they’re done. And STILL here I am living the life my past self wanted, creating the life my future self is living.

It matters very little HOW you show up. It matters THAT you show up.

Let me give an example. I am relentlessly committed to showing up every day for my current and future self.

One of the habits I have that keeps me on track is setting intentions. I set an intention EVERY day. Every single day. And the way I do it varies from day to day, from season to season. Last Thursday I woke up ALIGNED AF and that intention felt like it was delivered straight from the Universe. I soaked in it. It felt like love, it felt true, I didn’t have to put any effort into aligning with it.

Friday? The very next day? I didn’t feel like it. I laid in my bed for 15 minutes trying to figure out what intention wasn’t going to annoy the fuck out of me. I begrudgingly landed on Whatever.. My intention for the day was to feel Whatever.

Was it a lazy attempt? Maybe. Could I have come up with something better? Probably.

But I am relentlessly committed to showing up, NOT doing it perfectly.

So. If that’s where you’re at right now, resisting the tiny little shifts thinking they aren’t enough, this is your sign to let that shit go. They are MORE than enough.

YOU are worthy of a life you enjoy living.

You get to choose that thought every single moment.

– Kristen

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And if you want to dig deeper and work with a coach who’s GOT YOU, contact me to set up a free consult or to apply for my exclusive coaching program, Calm AF Life. I love working with people who are hard on themselves, the over-thinkers, people pleasers, perfectionists, and overachievers. Any of this ringing your bell? I’d love to hear from you!