This pic is from a dinner party I was at a few weeks ago with new friends. (This dog is Harvey and we are best friends because I’m the girl who hangs with the dog at dinner parties).
Anyway, at this party a woman I had never met before was casually telling a story to the group of how life has been pretty tough lately. She was very matter-of-fact telling us how her mom had a very serious injury that’s caused her to become her mom’s caregiver PLUS she has two young kids, a job, a house to take care of, a husband…all. the. things.
So of course, the second the two of us found ourselves sitting next to each other alone, I scooched my chair right up to her and dove deep.
“So, how are you REALLY doing?” I asked her. “I mean, that’s a LOT to deal with…how are you taking care of yourself?”
I watched her entire energy change with that opening question.
And she opened up.
She talked and talked about how much she was actually struggling and how HARD life was feeling right now. She talked, I listened, I talked, she listened. We went SUPER deep very quickly. And, as it goes, right in the middle we got interrupted (by kiddos most likely) and then it was time to go.
And even though we weren’t able to talk for a long time and we didn’t solve any problems, there was healing, because there was real connection.
There is very little more powerful than when a woman allows herself to BE who she is, to FEEL what she feels, to say what she needs to say.
And there is nothing more powerful than when a woman is willing to RECEIVE support and love from another person.
THIS is why I’m so passionate about the work I do. Because women are having to hold it all together. Women expect themselves to be everything…to be all the things…to DO all the things…to hold the family together…to keeps things from falling apart. And?
We’re not supposed to need any help. We’re not supposed to admit we need help. We’re not supposed to let it slow us down.
But the truth is, keeping it all inside, not trusting others to help…THAT is what slows us down.
It’s trying to do everything all on our own while keeping a smile on our face that slowly wears us down, leading us to resentment, sadness, overwhelm which stop us from doing the things we really want to do.
Listen, we’re not MEANT to do this alone.
We’re not MEANT to hold everyone else together and then try to scrape together some time to take care of ourselves.
We are meant to BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER. To step in and say “How can I support you?”
Women supporting women is the mindset we descended from. We used to make meals together, take care of each others babies, gather together as a community.
But somewhere along the way, we became each other’s competition. Who was the better mom…who kept the cleanest house…who showed up to preschool drop off NOT wearing yoga pants with stains on her sweatshirt.
Somewhere along the way we lost the connection, the community, the support system.
WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING ALL BY OURSELVES AND PRETEND IT’S NOT HARD AND THAT WE DON’T NEED HELP. (Yes, I’m yelling now)
We don’t have to do it alone.
We aren’t MEANT to do it alone.
We need to BE there for each other.
We need to ASK each other “Hey, how are you REALLY doing?” and then we need to sit down, shut up, and listen. We need to BE there for each other.
We need to stop judging and let women decide what works for them and then we need to support it.
We need to come together and offer love, support, compassion.
That’s why I LOVE the space I’ve created in the Lounge. It’s FOR this reason. It’s so women have a space not to complain, but to be seen, to be heard, to be understood, to be nurtured, to be LOVED.
It’s where we ask ON THE DAILY…How are you REALLY?
If you don’t have women like this in your life, GET SOME.
Get yourself a community of women who want to see you succeed, who want to hear how you REALLY are, who aren’t going to try to fix you, but are just going to BE with you.
How to find your people:
1. Imagine them first. Imagine that you already have this supportive girl gang behind you. What are they interested in? What do they talk about? Where do they spend time? What do they do for fun?
2. Take steps to move towards them. Once you have a good visual representation of who they are, now it’s time to actually go out and find them. Maybe there’s an organization in your community where these women already get together. GO JOIN THEM! They will embrace you and if they don’t? Find a new place.
Social media is an excellent place to find people who are JUST LIKE YOU. There are groups for literally EVERYTHING you can think of. They are already waiting for you there.
3. Start your own squad. Maybe you have a friend or two who you can really connect with already. Ask her to find a time to connect regularly. And then show up and BE there, without judgement, without expectation.
And of course, you can always sit with me. I’ve got a pretty amazing spacefull of pretty amazing women who KNOW how to show up for each other, who don’t judge, who love and welcome.
We’re all in this together, gorgeous souls. We need to come together NOW MORE THAN EVER. We are stronger together, we are NOT each other’s competition and when we lift each other up, we lift ourselves up.
MUSIC is MAGIC.
So if you’re mad, get mad, don’t hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now.
Hey there, what you got to hide?
I get angry too, well, I’m alive like you.
When you’re standing at the cross roads,
And don’t know which path to choose,
Let me come along, ’cause even if you’re wrong
I’ll stand by you,
I’ll stand by you, won’t let nobody hurt you,
I’ll stand by you.
Baby, even to your darkest hour, and I’ll never desert you,
I’ll stand by you.
And when, when the night falls on you baby,
You’re feeling all a lone, you’re wandering on your own,
I’ll stand by you.
~I’ll Stand By You by The Pretenders
I’m Kristen. Here’s what you need to know about me: I am a life coach because I am OBSESSED with getting women out of their damn heads, out of distracting themselves with bullshit so they can save the damn world already. Other things: I live in workout clothes, I drink a lot of coffee, I’m almost always happy , and I express myself best through gifs.
You + me = the most fun.
There are 3 ways I can help you start feeling better no matter what your life looks like:
1. FREE WAY: Browse the blog and social media (FB + IG is where I hang out).
2. ***SUPER AFFORDABLE + AWESOME WAY: Join the Lounge
3. MOST EFFICIENT + LET’S GET YOUR LIFE BACK *NOW* WAY: 1:1 coaching. Click to set up a call to see what coaching looks like.
***Heads up: I’m doing some reorganizing over here and the Lounge (with all that it includes now PLUS the private FB coaching page) will only be available at this price point until October 9th.
Coming next week….my PODCAST! It’s called Show up and love and I’ll be sending you an email next week alllll about it!