“Like a caterpillar’s metamorphosis, becoming your future self requires an identity shift. You un-become, so you can become.”

Episode 245

Unbecoming Your Past Self to Become Your Future Self

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Hello, Gorgeous Soul.

There’s something in the air. I always notice trends. Like everyone’s talking about breathwork or everyone’s talking about inner child stuff or whatever. Right now in my little place in the universe the topic showing up most frequently is goals. Maybe because we’re getting to the halfway point of the year. Apparently astrologically now’s a really auspicious time for really getting clear and making solid plans for what you really want, over the next week or so so maybe that’s what’s creating this stir.. Who knows why, but the last few weeks everywhere I turn it’s all about goals. So I feel like this Future Self series on the podcast was meant to be.

Last week I shared the 5 steps to manifesting your future self. Of all the things I teach my Future Self goal writing process is in like top 3 of what people ask for the most. Up until now I’ve only taught it once a year as a workshop OR to my clients. As an upgrade for Calm AF Life I decided to break it down and make this it’s own course inside the CAFL course so they could access it anytime they wanted. And THEN I decided to offer it outside of CAFL to anyone who wanted it. However, I have changed my mind a little bit, which I’m allowed to do. SO here’s the deal. If you aren’t in CAFL and you want to have access to the Future Self process, in the past I’ve called it ReSOULutions, it will be available to purchase as a stand alone course at the price of 179 for 5 days. And then it will be exclusively inside CAFL. So if you think you might want to go through the Future Self manifesting course later in the year, you’ll want to get that now.

SO let’s keep talking Future Self. Today, I want to share some real talk about what it takes to become your future self. I want to share the truth because I think sometimes people think that becoming your future self is all exciting and inspiring. My friend, it has its moments, but honestly? It’s not always rainbows and unicorns. But it is SO SO worth it.

One of the things that I see tripping people up the most, which gets them stuck in the start and quit cycle is this: they underestimate the power of their Current Self wiring.

In order to become your Future Self, you’re going to have to let go of a LOT of your current self. The thoughts that got you HERE will not get you there. Many of the thoughts and habits and circumstances that got you HERE are not going to get you THERE, so in order to become your next version, there will be a dying of an identity to create room for the new one.

Becoming your future self requires an identity shift. It’s not like you just start powering through some new actions and then your life changes.

It’s like the caterpillar becoming the butterfly. The caterpillar doesn’t just make the cocoon and go sleep inside it for a while and sprout some wings and emerge a butterfly. The caterpillar goes into the cocoon and dissolves into liquid. The caterpillar body doesn’t just change its form, it has to UNBECOME the caterpillar in order to become the butterfly.

THIS is what becoming your Future Self looks like. As you move towards the life you want to create, you are going to have to dissolve your current self into liquid UNBECOME your current self so you can BECOME your future self.

When you think about it like this, it might feel overwhelming like “That feels like a project I am not prepared for”

But remember, you’re doing it all the time without thinking. You’re always evolving. Every lesson you experience is dissolving some part of you to create the new you.

I’m just suggesting we add some mindfulness to the journey.

If you’re going to keep dissolving into liquid again and again anyway, might as well put some PURPOSE behind it.

I’ll give you an example from my own life.

This year my focus has been on becoming my Future Self in my business. My work hasn’t been my main focus for several years because honestly, everything was going really well. I was enjoying everything I was doing, I was enjoying the success AND enjoying the comfort. If you happen to work for yourself or are the one in charge, you know how NICE it feels when everything is flowing and stable.

So you might think, if everything was so great, why would you disrupt that.

And oh I wish I knew the answer to that question. I feel like it’s probably how the caterpillar feels. Like everything is FINE. Everything is NICE. I’m enjoying just crawling around the world, munching on my leaves, enjoying the sun. WHY WHY am I now spinning up this cocoon? WHY am I deciding to leave my little comfort zone and dissolve into GOO and then have to learn how to be a BUTTERFLY?? Why don’t I just stay a caterpillar?

It feels very similar to this. WHY would I dissolve who I am, who I’m COMFORTABLE being??

All I can say is you just know.

You just KNOW.

It just feels like it’s time.

You get an intuitive feeling that you’re ready for something new, something better, something different and, before you even realize what’s happening, you’re instinctually spinning yourself into a cocoon. Next thing you know, you’re liquid.

No going back now.

You HAVE to unbecome your current self in order to become your future self.

And the only reason that feels so scary is because you don’t yet KNOW what your future self life looks like.

The caterpillar doesn’t emerge from the cocoon and immediately fly away.

The caterpillar has to let to the goo dry up. It has to practice flapping it’s wings, building the strength up in these brand new appendages. It has to learn to become a brand new creature that, instead of crawling around munching leaves, flies.
When you emerge from your own cocoon, you’ve dissolved into liquid and you’ve poked your head out, you are newly your future self.

Before you fly, you have to learn how to BE this future self version.

You have to learn how this future self version of you thinks, behaves, sets boundaries. You have to learn how this future self version of you shows up in the world, how they make decisions, how they choose what to say, what to do.

We are used to doing what we KNOW, what we’re comfortable with. YOur current self thoughts, habits, behaviors are what you KNOW so you can FULLY EXPECT that you will find yourself back in current self thinking pretty frequently at first.
I see so many people get stuck here.

Oh I’ve been trying to align with my future self but I keep going back to old habits.

I keep intending to be calm but then I snap.

I intend to set boundaries but then I pull back.

And they make this mean that there’s something wrong with them. That they’re just not ever going to be able to truly BECOME this next level version.

This is why I think having a coach or a mentor at all times is non negotiable. Because it’s so easy to get stuck believing those thoughts. THey feel true.

But I AM showing up in my past self thinking.

Yep. So fucking what.

If you think you will just instantly transform into your future self, if you think you’ll just wake up and BE your future self without having to LEARN how to be your future self, you ARE going to stay stuck.

I am learning how to be the NEXT version of myself in my work. I dissolved my past self’s thinking and now I’m learning how to be my Future Self.

I let go of who I was because I knew I was ready to step into who I wanted to become. AND it feels like shit quite a bit of the time..

I don’t know how to BE this version yet.

My wings are still wet.

I find myself choosing to crawl instead of fly regularly.

At least once a day I have the thought “Just go back. Just go back to the caterpillar. YOu KNEW how to be a caterpillar. IT was easy. It was so easy.”

But I’m NOT that.

I’m the butterfly not the caterpillar. I can’t just pretend these wings aren’t here.

I am the butterfly and now what I have to do is be relentlessly committed to learning how to BE the butterfly.

I know I will often revert back to caterpillar habits not because I’m a caterpillar again, but because that’s what I’m USED to being.

And when I find myself crawling instead of practicing flapping my new wings, I will simply say “OOOOPS”

I did it again.
No big deal.

Just pause. Stop crawling. CHOOSE to stop crawling.

Use the wings. The more you practice using the wings, the stronger they get. YES it takes time, YES it feels unfamiliar.

YES it feels easier to crawl.

But the ONLY way that changes is by practicing.

I don’t know how to be my Future Self all the time yet.

But I’m learning by practicing.

I’m learning by not giving up whenever I make a decision from my past self thinking.

It’s uncomfortable AF right now and I KNOW that someday it will feel like my new normal.

It will feel easy to BE my future self verison. And guess what will happen then?

I’ll intuitively start spinning up another cocoon. I’ll be ready for the next version, I’ll put myself through the whole thing again.

Because that’s what we do.

We evolve.

We are constantly in the process of learning how to be who we are AND getting ready to become the next version.

When you stop resisting that, the process feels a lot easier.

Not EASY. It will never feel easy dissolving a current identity.

But if you don’t panic every time you turn to liquid and emerge as something new, it’s MUCH easier.

One of the reasons I love calm af life so much is that we’re ALWAYS working to lighten up about this.

We are constantly going from caterpillar to butterfly.

We are always dissolving and learning and transforming and becoming on repeat as humans so why not do it together AND lighten the fuck up about it.

So let’s summarize how this becoming your future self actually looks and feels.

You’re just going along, minding your business. ANd suddenly you know who you are right now just isn’t it. The life you’re living right now is NOT the one you really want to be living.

You KNOW it’s time for a change. This sometimes happens EVEN when things are fine, you are perfectly comfortable with the way things are. Maybe you don’t LOVE the way things are but at least you know what to expect.

But there’s this part of you that just starts spinning that cocoon. Starts thinking about what you WANT. Starts craving something different, something new, something better.

You dissolve. You start questioning your old thoughts, your old habits, the people who are a part of your current life. Everything feels unknown.

Because you’re not the caterpillar anymore but you’re not the butterfly yet.

Your old thinking remains the strongest neural connection for a while, so you find yourself acting as your past version frequently.

If you have a support system through this part, you’ll get stuck way LESS here.

But the thing to remember is that you aren’t the caterpillar, you’re just used to BEING the caterpillar.

You just have to get used to BEING the butterfly.

You have to practice flapping your wings before you can fly.

You will find yourself crawling often because it’s easier and more familiar and that isn’t a problem.


Practice being your future self more and you WILL become.

– Kristen

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