“Old habits kill new mindsets.”
How to Avoid Old Habits When Creating a New Mindset (Replay!)
Hello, Gorgeous Soul.
I’m going to share with you the #1 thing you are doing that is keeping your from becoming your future self.
The #1 mistake you are making when it comes to transforming one of more areas of your life.
The #1 ERROR you are making when manifesting the life you WANT.
AND what to do about it.
I don’t usually talk about things you’re doing wrong because I think that it’s RARE that there is a right or a wrong way to do anything.
My whole message is really about accepting the way YOU do things, the way YOU are wired, that you aren’t a problem to be fixed, that the way YOU see the world is VALUABLE and EMBODY your whole imperfect self.
Today it’s simply about science. In science there are facts. The way a brain learns and creates new neural pathways is not really up for debate.
New neural pathways are created through repetition of the new skill or thought that you want to hardwire.
If you’re learning how to speak French, your brain will make neural connections for the language and the more you USE and PRACTICE your new French vocabulary, the smoother the neural connection until it becomes hardwired or automatic where you don’t have to THINK about every word, you just say it.
This is how the brain learns EVERYTHING. Including what thoughts to think automatically. When you think a thought one neuron sends a little electrochemical signal to another neuron and there is a neural connection between the two neurons. When you repeatedly think that thought the neural connection becomes automatic OR it becomes a belief.
It’s just science people.
This is why when people try to tell me they TRIED but it just doesn’t work for them, I don’t believe it AT ALL.
Your brain is special and unique but there are some things that are simply universal truths, like how a brain learns new skills. If this works for people who’ve experienced major damage to their brain…it’’ll work for you, ok?
Now that THAT is out of the way…here is the BIGGEST mistake I see when people are working on changing their mindsets or becoming their REALEST CALM AF future selves:
They spend WAYYYYYYY more time focusing on the thoughts they want to UNLEARN than they do on the thoughts they WANT to believe.
Yes it’s’ important to have the awareness of your automatic, auto-pilot limiting beliefs.
But that is actually LESS important than spending time building new neural connections for the new thoughts.
Let’s say you have this road you travel down ALL the time. This road is SMOOTH, you are super familiar with the traffic flow of this road. It’s EASY to get to, it’s easy to take…but it never really gets you where you WANT to go. You keep ending up at the same place.
There IS this other road, though. It’s a dirt road. It’s bumpy and rough from not being used or tended to. It’s unfamiliar, it’s not what you’re used to AT ALL….but…it takes you EXACTLY where you want to go. Like door to door.
So obviously you’re going to start taking this new road. DUH. It’s SO worth it. You know that it’s not smooth simply because no one is USING this road, but once you start using it, it’s TOTALLY going to save you time and SO much frustration. And it will get smoother. And the more you use it, you’ll figure out the traffic flow because that’s how things work…the more you do anything the more familiar it becomes.
Back to your thoughts.
The BIGGEST mistake I see you making in your rewire process is this: you keep going back to the OLD road. Over and over and over.
Yeah yeah, I KNOW the new road gets me where I want to go….but this OLD road.
I feel like I need to just try a little harder to change it. Maybe see if SOMEHOW I’m just wrong and actually it DOES take me where I want to go. I actually don’t know with 100% certainty that this old road isn’t getting me where I want to go….maybe I’m missing something. Maybe there’s another road, like between it and where I want to be that I can take. I feel like I really need PROOF that this road IS actually not the right road before I can just la dee dah believe this new road is the right road.
NO. You don’t have to PROVE anything.
TURN THE CAR AROUND. GO TO THE RIGHT ROAD.
Imagine if you were taking a road trip and realized you were going the wrong direction. You wouldn’t think “Welp. I’m here now. I’ve already been driving 30 minutes on this road, might as well stay”
You would never.
But THIS is what you do with your old stories.
Something triggers you and you find yourself neck deep in your old limiting thoughts and beliefs. You KNOW you’re there. You KNOW these thoughts are taking you in the OPPOSITE direction of where you want to be but SO OFTEN you just stay there.
And it’s not because you aren’t GOOD enough at rewiring.
It’s not because you need more willpower or discipline…yuck.
It’s simply because it’s familiar.
When I moved to Colorado I felt UNCOMFORTABLE for months because I didn’t know how to get ANYWHERE.
GPS everywhere I went..groceries, gas station, kids school.
I remember the first time we went back to Illinois to visit and I was driving around and knew where EVERYTHING was and it felt sooooo good to not constantly be having to THINK while I drove.
Familiar feels good.
It feels comfortable.
When you are rewiring I know you WANT to unlearn your limiting beliefs and you KNOW they aren’t taking you where you want to go…but after the discomfort of the unfamiliarity of the new thoughts….the familiar feels good.
When my clients do it I call it indulging in the familiar.
It’s not a problem when it happens, you just don’t want to STAY there.
THIS is why it’s so important to be able to simply sit with feelings.
When you learn to sit with the discomfort you will simply allow yourself to feel it without going back to the old neural pathway and hardwiring it some more.
It’s better to be uncomfortable in your new neural pathway in the thoughts that are taking you where you want to go than to be comfortable in your old stories that are keeping you stuck.
Write that down and staple it to your face.
So here’s a little GPS direction for you.
What to do when you find yourself in your old story.
Acknowledge you showed up here out of habit. There’s no problem. But you aren’t going to simply STAY here just because you got on this road.
Say OOOOPS. Look where I am. This thought, this story, this anxiety, this spin out isn’t going to take me where I want to go. I can CHOOSE to get on the new neural pathway.
Turn yourself around, no DRAMA, and pick the other pathway.
Just do it.
Don’t argue with yourself about it.
Don’t try to prove it’s ok to move to the new neural pathway.
Get on that neural pathway and ask yourself empowered questions
WHY do I want to believe this new thought?
How do I feel when I think this new thought?
Where will this thought take me?
Why is it safe for me to believe this? What proof do I already have that this thought is true?
Keep asking your brain questions to prove your NEW thoughts, to stay on your NEW neural pathway so that you begin hard-wiring THIS neural connection.
I actually have a PDF that lists a BUNCH of questions to ask yourself when you’re working on building belief. You can download it here.
Alright gorgeous Souls, love you so much.
– AND –
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And if you want to dig deeper and work with a coach who’s GOT YOU, contact me to set up a free consult or to apply for my exclusive coaching program, Calm AF Life. I love working with people who are hard on themselves, the over-thinkers, people pleasers, perfectionists, and overachievers. Any of this ringing your bell? I’d love to hear from you!