“Self trust, self belief, self acceptance, self compassion will get you to the finish line of your goals WAY faster than self berating, self criticism, self sabotaging. So if your inner boss is treating you like shit, it’s time to fire her and choose a more worthy leader.”

Episode 277

Fire Your Inner Boss

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Hello, Gorgeous Soul.

Over the weekend, I hosted my 10th annual Goal Writing workshop.

I intentionally decided to wait until the middle of January to do this workshop for a very specific reason.

Blue Monday.

Ever hear of it?

It’s the 3rd Monday in January and it’s called Blue Monday because, by this time, the initial excitement and motivation behind our goals and our new habits and our New Year’s resolutions have faded. The goals we set with such enthusiasm may have already lost their shine.

Why is Blue Monday a thing?

Because we are so used to setting goals around the belief that our current selves aren’t good enough. That we are unworthy until we achieve these goals. The underlying message of the typical goal writing methods is: you will be enough AFTER you’ve changed your life. Or your body or your marriage or your work or your financial status.

So you best HUSTLE. Hurry up and change who you are so you can finally feel good about yourself.

Inevitably, there’s obstacles that you run into in the first few weeks. You don’t have a good night’s sleep, you aren’t feeling good, you’re in a bad mood, the kids are in a bad mood. And you hit an obstacle in the path.

And when you are already exhausted from the hustle, it’s hard to recover from when things go wrong.

The Problem with Leading Through Criticism

You’ve most likely, at some point in your life, worked for someone or been in some sort of relationship with someone who was seemingly in a higher position of authority than you.

A leader, a parent, a boss.

There’s the boss who leads through pure fear.

Sure, you work hard for this boss. You work 24/7 if they ask you to. You check, double check, triple check your work to make sure there are absolutely no mistakes. Things take you twice as long to complete because you MUST make sure whatever you present to the boss is perfect.

Because you’re SCARED.

You know that if you mess up, make a mistake, you will be yelled at, berated, or shamed in front of everyone.

So you work hard until you burn out.

Then there’s the best boss you ever had.

They were encouraging and supportive. You worked hard but not because you were afraid of how they would treat you, because you wanted to work hard.

Right now, your INNER boss is one of these or the other.

MOST people stick with the critical boss because they think that if they just try to motivate themselves from a place of encouragement and compassion, they’ll do nothing.

But it’s not true.

You know how motivating kindness can be.

The trouble with motivating yourself from a standpoint of not good enough, from the energy of fear is just as effective as working for a boss who leads through fair. You might get some initial results, but it’s not sustainable.

Constantly berating yourself, being relentlessly hard on yourself, and pushing beyond limits not only leads to burnout, but to an EXTENDED period of recovery from the burnout.

It’s not working.


You will not spiral down into eating doritos on the couch if you stop beating yourself up.

You already know that you are way more motivated when someone is kind.

You most likely lead others this way. If you hold any sort of position of authority, whether it’s a boss, a leader, a teacher, a parent, a mentor, my hunch is that you already lead others in an encouraging and supportive way.


Is it because your goal is to make sure they spend their lives not living up to their potential?
Why don’t you lead through fear if THAT is the only way they will ever be worthy or good enough?

Because you know they are worthy now. You know they are enough now.

It is safe for you to lead yourself in the same way.

Self trust, self belief, self acceptance, self compassion will get you to the finish line of your goals WAY faster than self berating, self criticism, self sabotaging.

AND it will feel SO much better.

FIRE the awful boss who lives in your head.

Lead yourself in a way that actually motivates you and you will avoid the burnout and the recovery from the burnout that makes your goals take forever.

Click here to join the Calm AF Life Waitlist.

– Kristen

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