Hello, Gorgeous Soul.
10 years ago this week, my husband’s book The Journal of Best Practices was published.
If you haven’t read it, it’s the story of our neurodiverse marriage and how we took it out of the dumpster and found our way back to each other.
Not long after the book was published, I started getting emails and Fb messages almost daily saying:
“I feel so alone. I can’t tell anyone how I’m struggling…you’re the only one who understands”
And then another email would come in that said the exact same thing.
And I was like “Wait. You think you’re alone. You think you are the only one who is struggling. But I know there are 100 other people who feel the same way.”
So I did something about it.
I started asking those people, “Hey. I am not the only person who understands you. I know a TON of people. Want to meet them?”
I started putting them in little private Facebook groups of anywhere from 5-10 people. I called them Best Groups and there were like 20 of them.
Every now and then I hear from someone from that group who shares how she still keeps in touch or found her best friend in that Best Group.
Maybe a year or two later, I became a life coach.
This woman named Sandra, whom I love, reached out cold one day and said “Hey, have you ever thought of becoming a life coach?”
Once she explained to me what that is (I’d never heard of a life coach), I was like YES….my entire life I’ve been a life coach.
I went through training and my first coaching program was a challenge called 21-day Rewire.
I gathered women, not just those in neurodiverse relationships this time, women from all different backgrounds, all different stories but with a common theme: the life they were living was not the life they were meant for.
They craved connection but not small talk…they were tired of small talk.
Lots of them were fine on the outside, they were REALLY good at looking pretty normal on the outside, but exhausted or resentful on the inside.
Some women were in really hard places, mentally.
Some of them were ok, but KNEW they were meant for something better.
I gathered these women in groups, but this time I was a coach. I coached them.
I taught them how to zoom out.
I taught them how to set intentions.
I taught them how to let go, rewire their thoughts, how to be more resilient.
I was surprised though, because the thing that I found was the MOST impactful wasn’t the tools necessarily…it was the impact of the COMMUNITY.
I noticed I would be coaching Annie on her relationship with her husband and Maggie would be like “OH that just gave me an AHA about my mom!”
I would be coaching Jackie on the business she was building and if it wasn’t clicking, Sarah would jump in and say, “This is how I’m interpreting it….” and just like that…Jackie would hear exactly what she needed.
And then there was the non judgmental, supportive AF LOVE.
The piece that really made my heart burst was how every single woman in my group was rooting for every other woman.
Because I had created a super safe environment where these women could be themselves…TRULY themselves…for the first time, maybe EVER…they were able to be LOVED by these other humans in a way they had never been loved before.
There is something BIG that happens when you allow yourself to be vulnerable and HONEST saying the things you THINK but have never felt safe to say out loud….
The heaviness lightens.
The stuck-ness unsticks.
The radiant light that you have been missing for so long starts peaking through the cracks again.
And you are seen.
And you are HELD and LOVED and SUPPORTED by me…but not JUST me…this group of women who want you to see yourself how they see you.
You aren’t meant to move through this life pretending to be ok, putting on a show all the time.
And yes, it’s scary to be vulnerable, it can be terrifying to say “OK, I’ll let myself be seen by this group”…but it ALWAYS cracks the armor.
I realized the community piece wasn’t the icing on top of the cake in my programs….it WAS the cake.
The people I attract don’t want surface level connection….they crave DEEP…they’re just sometimes nervous to put it out there.
I always talk about finding your weirdos…THIS is why it’s so important. Because without it, life is half lived. Half full.
And THAT is not what you’re here for with this one precious life.
For a few years, I wanted to do a deep dive, I called it getting my PhD in my clients’ brains.
I worked only 1:1 with them. And yes, having my brain ONLY on your brain is pretty badass. But I started realizing that they needed to know each other.
I found myself wishing Jill and Kelly knew each other. Or omgosh Angie and Barbie would be best friends.
In order to take their tools out of the practice room and into the real world, I wanted them to see that it was safe for them to be vulnerable and show their TRUEST selves to other people.
I always knew I would move back to offering programs where the community is the backbone.
It takes transformation to the next level.
There’s a saying If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
I disagree with that. You can go faster AND farther together AND it’s SO MUCH MORE FUN.
Fast, far, and fun.
So if you feel like you have to keep all your shit to yourself, this is your sign.
If you have been feeling disconnected, this is your sign.
If you have been feeling like you want to find your weirdos THIS is your sign.
It’s time to make a change, to decide to STOP trying to do it all on your own.
Why??? Why do we think we need to figure it out on our own.
Who you surround yourself with matters.
So very much.
If the people you are surrounded by aren’t lifting you up, cheering you on, dusting you off, laughing with you, celebrating with you, loving on you…
FIND NEW PEOPLE.
The people in your life will either elevate you or keep you where you are.
It’s time to surround yourself with the best.
If you don’t have this group, CREATE it.
That’s what I did back in the day. I manifested my soul squad.
Manifest your soul squad.
Maybe that means reaching out to someone you know or don’t know. Be the weirdo.
I’ve told the story before of one of my soul sisters who I told her the first time I met her, I was there to be her son’s speech pathologist, that I was there to help her son but I really thought I was there because she and I were meant to be friends.
And she just nodded and said “okayyyyy”.
But we were.
Take a risk.
And listen. My group that starts in a few weeks. RewiredAF. There is a spot on the couch for YOU. You can TOTALLY sit with us. We love you. You belong.
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And if you want to dig deeper and work with a coach who’s GOT YOU, contact me to set up a free consult. I love working with people who are hard on themselves, the over-thinkers, people pleasers, perfectionists, and overachievers. Any of this ringing your bell? I’d love to hear from you!