Hello, Gorgeous Soul.

Before we start, it is time to APPLY for the next round of Rewired AF! The group starts with an in-person retreat. January 26-30th, an ALL inclusive 4 days. Literally you just GET yourself there and everything else is taken care of for you. Your own private room and bathroom, all the food, all the drinks. My retreats are simply about RADICAL self care and lots of laughing and connecting.

That’s just the beginning though because what often happens at these weekend retreats or workshops is we get all excited and lit up and then we go home. Back to normal life, every day stressors. In order to not let this just another thing you try to make yourself feel better but it doesn’t stick, we spend the next few MONTHS coaching, every week, on whatever you decided to create during the retreat. But not in a hustle-y hard way.

The process of change and transformation is SO much better when we don’t take it so dang seriously. SO much of the coaching is on how to KEEP going but also lighten the hell up about it. It’s the BEST.

Go to kristenfinch.com/rewiredAF to fill out and application. There’s an early bird special…if you apply and join before December 5th…I’m sending you a present with my FAVORITE things. It’s so fun. All right. Let’s get ON with today’s message.

You have heard me talk repeatedly about the two cycles we are always in in life: we’re either flowing or growing. There’s lots of little sub-cycles within these two cycles, but really, to simplify, you can always come back to: Am I flowing….are things moving with ease, am I feeling aligned, are things moving forward OR Am I growing….where things feel hard, where it feels like some huge rock has fallen RIGHT in the middle of the flow and is blocking you from EVERYTHING.

Well, I was in the FLOW. Things seemed to be clicking along, lining up, flowing smoothly. Is life perfect in the flow? Never. But you know how it feels. It’s the best. And then? it was gone.

It was, as per usual, an abrupt shift from flowing to growing. Sometimes I have a heads up that something’s brewing, but lots of times, the flow stops like someone put a cork in it. That was how this felt. Everything just felt kinda hard. Things were breaking, trying to pull ideas out of my head was like trying to sift through the thickest sludge. My energy was low. I was easily annoyed.

Now listen, I don’t just teach this work, you guys, I practice what I preach. So I KNOW when this happens…when the faucet turns off…I know this is part of the process. AND? It still sucks.

I KNOW that when I get into that growth part of the cycle, I’m gonna come out the other side with lessons learned and more clarity and that the flow WILL be back. But being in it….BOO. This growth cycle has decided to hang on, too. And I’d be lying if I wasn’t going to bed every night hoping the NEXT day I’d wake up to see the cork had been removed and the juices were flowing again.

And then last Friday I woke up cranky AF. Like not just a little cranky. AF dialed up to 100. I decided to try a few things to see if I could nudge myself up just even one notch, from cranky AF to cranky as hell. I tried journaling. And mostly what came out was “This is stupid. Journaling is stupid. You’re stupid.” Which obviously my TEENAGER was running the show at that point.

I tried wearing my cute pink velvet pants…because soft pink pants are a pretty safe bet to nudge me up a notch…but Dave thought they were pajama pants and laughed when he saw me and even took a picture of my whole outfit because I looked like a woman who had just had a nervous breakdown and just put on whatever crazy clothes were sitting there and went for a walk. To be fair, that’s EXACTLY what I looked like. He was not wrong AND before anyone feels like being offended by this on my behalf, for real. No. It was funny and, on a NORMAL day, I would’ve laughed. But on this day I warned him “These AREN’T pajama pants and by the way I’m cranky AF today!

So I tried a walk. Fresh air and movement are pretty safe bets when it comes to shifting out of a foul mood, but on Friday? Nope. The WIND was annoying. And then. My sure fire….basically NEVER fails trick to making me feel one NOTCH better is music. The perfect playlist has a 99% chance of making me either feel BETTER or get me aligned with the feeling I need to release….like if I’m stuck in sadness, I KNOW that a good cry will help and music is an easy way to access that. But this Friday was the 1% that it didn’t work. In fact, my music was PISSING me OFF. I just kept skipping every song. Nope. Nope. Nope. This story actually reminds me of the book Alexander and the terrible horrible no good very bad day. Where everything just goes wrong and at the end his mom is like “You know, some days are just like this” So why am I telling you this story? A couple reasons. First, because in case there’s any confusion….I have bad fucking days. I have bad fucking WEEKS. I don’t spend my life feeling inspired or aligned with joy and gratitude. And neither does anyone else. I don’t care WHO they are or what they are saying….if they are a human being, they are either flowing or they’re growing. Period.

BUT.

Here’s the message that I want YOU Calm AF’ers to really hear and take away with you. You can be cranky AF AND calm AF. I have been in this particular growth cycle for a month. Which feels like forever. BUT instead of panicking about it, instead of trying to PUSH through, instead of getting antsy about it….I have been choosing to be CALM AF about being cranky AF. And it has made all the difference.

So. Here’s 3 tips to help you access calm AF energy no matter HOW you’re feeling.

1. Stop labeling feelings as good or bad. This MORALIZES emotions. This has been the way most of us HAVE been programmed to feel about our feelings, to be fair. When we’re little we’re told there is a good way and a bad way to express emotions. When we cry, we’re told to stop or that we’re too sensitive. When we’re happy, we’re praised. It’s no wonder we’re all trying to find coping methods to deal with negative feelings….when your boredom feels like a moral failure, you will do whatever you need to do to numb it away. What I often teach my clients here is instead of judging the feeling, we just acknowledge the feeling. Instead of labeling it as good or bad, we just NAME the feeling. Sad, bored, scared, excited. They aren’t positive or negative, they just ARE.

2. Stop telling yourself stories about your feelings. So, when I was feeling cranky AF. I didn’t LIKE it. I didn’t WANT to feel that way. But what I did NOT do was start telling myself stories about feeling cranky, like I would have in the past. In the past when I moved from flowing to growing it was a WHOLE thing. “Welp. NOW you’re in a rut. ALL the things you tried, all the good things that were happening, they’re gone now. All that work you did, all that momentum is gone. Now you’re NEVER going to reach that goal. You’re just going to feel cranky FOREVER and you’ll lose your family and your business and your home and all of your dreams are going to be HARDER now.” I’m being a bit dramatic here, but be HONEST. This is what you DO. You find yourself in the TOTALLY NORMAL place of slowing down before you speed up and you tell yourself all the shit about it. You tell yourself not only do you have to start allllll the way back at the beginning, but that there’s something morally wrong with you that you keep having these pesky negative feelings. 

And guess what happens when you are morally shaming yourself for your feelings. You feel SHAME. ANd when you feel frustrated and then sprinkle some SHAME on top, the heaviness persists.

And 3. Lighten UP about the whole thing. This is something I’m REALLY hitting in my group the last few weeks. When I say lighten up I don’t mean pretend things are fine or brush OVER things that aren’t ok or ignoring ANYTHING. I just mean lightening UP about them. LAUGHING about things. It reminds me of a conversation I had with my brother in law over like Thanksgiving dinner one year. It’s kind of gross but TOTALLY supports this point.

So my brother in law John had had a stomach bug and he told us that WHILE he was throwing up he was laughing about it. Like, thinking about the ridiculousness of what his body was doing to get rid of this violator in his stomach….he was like, “It’s so dramatic”. And I was in SHOCK when he said that. I’m like “HOW? It’s the WORST thing in the world to throw up” And then I was like, But is it? No. It sucks while you’re in it, but then at some point you feel better. And it IS very dramatic and ridiculous. And that’s really true about most of life. Again, not brushing over hard things but noticing how freaking DRAMATIC our brains get about it. We can just add a little light. And it won’t make the hard things EASY but it won’t make them harder. And from THERE, you can move forward.

When I CHOSE to simply be cranky AF without the drama or story…I was just a girl on a walk wearing ridiculous pink velvet pants, huge headphones, giant sunglasses ANGRILY yelling at her playlist for being stupid. That’s some funny shit.

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And if you want to dig deeper and work with a coach who’s GOT YOU, contact me to set up a free consult. I love working with people who are hard on themselves, the over-thinkers, people pleasers, perfectionists, and overachievers. Any of this ringing your bell? I’d love to hear from you!