Hello, Gorgeous Soul.
Today I’m talking about not just the importance of finding your people, finding your weirdos as I like to say, but HOW to find them.
Over the last three years I spent my time working SOLELY working 1:1 with clients.
For many of them, for MOST of them, I’d say, I was the ONLY person in their life who GOT them. Who understood them.
It was usually during our first call that before they’d tell me something they’d say something like “I know this sounds bad” or “This might sound weird, but”
And my response to that is always GOOD! YES! Tell me the weird things, the bad things, the things you think you aren’t supposed to say.
The more of that you get out of your body the better.
But let’s be honest. You need a safe person for that.
You need someone who isn’t going to use that against you or judge you or tell you that you’re WRONG.
What you feel like you can’t say or admit to or allow others to see is shrouded in shame.
And the more you have the chance to RELEASE that shame, the freer you will feel.
So as I’ve just been doing this individual work with clients the thing that I see is that they feel safe with ME but think that maybe I’m the ONLY person in the world who can SEE them in their fullest power.
And as much as I LOVE being that person for them, I know that there are more people out there who will get them and see them and LOVE them like I do.
They just need to find their people.
You might think it’s impossible for someone to think who you REALLY are is amazing because you were taught from the time you were very little that you WEREN’T good enough.
Maybe you had a parent whose love wasn’t unconditional.
Maybe you have or had a partner who was unkind or judgmental.
Maybe you have a pattern of attracting people who use your people pleasing approval seeking nature against you.
You just haven’t found your people.
For years I’ve been saying “If the people you are surrounded by don’t want to see you shine, don’t pick you up when you fall, don’t love you and support you when you need it…FIND NEW PEOPLE.”
One of the biggest reasons why I created Rewired AF is because so MANY of my clients think they are the ONLY ones who struggle so much.
And they think they have to get all their shit figured out before they can go out and live their lives.
I kept thinking OH gosh if Mandy and Katie could just meet. If Amy and Kathleen knew each other….they are SOULMATES. But confidentiality prohibits me. So I make a group.
And KNOW all the perfect people will show up to meet each other.
I like to think of myself as the pied piper of weirdos.
I talk, the weirdos come.
Now. I hope you aren’t offended by “weirdos” because, to me, it’s a term of MAJOR affection and adoration. To me, weird is unique and FASCINATING and attractive.
Weirdos think outside the box. They see things differently. They may LOOK like they can fit in, but they have NEVER felt like they fit in.
Story of my damn life.
I spent a good chunk of my life feeling like I belonged nowhere.
The first week of high school, I’m sitting outside the theater doors after lunch. It was the place everyone gathered to talk and socialize and hang out. And I looked around and thought, “Ok…just 4 years to go.”
I didn’t give a shit about the things it seemed like I was supposed to give a shit about.
In college if I could’ve made everyone stay in instead of going out and drink wine and talk about ENERGY and the UNIVERSE and what you think happens after you die….I would’ve been in heaven.
I LOVED LOVED my friends and I’m not saying they were boring at ALL. Some of my favorite people in the entire world were with me in college.
But I just didn’t always feel like I fit in.
By the time I had a marriage, 2 young kids and a house in suburbia, I was like HOLY HELL…I am ALONE.
I craved connection.
I craved to find the people who I would say “This might sound weird,” and they would say
GOOD YES Tell me the weird things.
I found them.
I just had to do a few things to make that happen.
First and foremost, I had to stop telling myself the sad story about how I don’t fit in anywhere and I will never find my people.
Carrying that thought…guess what?
I created that. I manifested it.
Every time I walk into a room with the thought, “I can’t be myself. WHO do I need to be in order to fit in here?” I stopped being myself and started becoming who I thought other people needed me to be.
And you know what happens when you’re not being your weirdo self?
Your weirdos can’t find you.
I had to stop shrinking myself down and just say what I WANTED to say even if it sounded weird.
Like when I said, “This might sound weird, but I have a feeling we’re meant to know each other. Like, I know I’m here to be your son’s speech pathologist, but I think I’m really here for YOU.”
Listen, she was stunned. And very sweet. “Oh really? Oh ok.”
But guess what? We WERE meant for each other. And she became one of my people and we talked about energy and what happens after you die and God and the Universe.
Your people can’t find you if you’re hiding.
First I stopped the sad story and The Second thing I did when I decided I wanted to find my people was set an intention.
I tapped into how it would FEEL to have a community of women that I could just be myself with and they could be themselves with me.
It felt so free and powerful.
And i wanted to CREATE that.
Typically people pleasers and approval seekers are that way because they HAD to be throughout their lives in order to get the love of the people around them.
I wanted to CREATE a space where these amazing humans could just relax and BE.
I wanted to create a community where people could let their guards down, drop their armor, show up in ALL their weirdo-ness.
I just kept tapping into how that would feel and believed it was happening. In 2014 I created my first group coaching program. It was called 21 day Rewire. It was 21 days long but the bond these women created was immediate. It was so powerful it almost scared me how MUCH these weirdos were meant for each other.
So set the intuition and then let go of the HOW.
Now for the story of how I found my soulmate best friend.
When I decided I wanted to manifest a best SOULMATE friend, I started thinking about how I might do that.
My brain came up with: maybe I’ll meet her while Emily’s in dance class, maybe she’s someone at Parker’s school, maybe I’ll meet her at the park.
And every time I would talk to a mom at Emily’s dance class, Parker’s school, or the park, I’d be like “She was so nice. I liked her a lot. But no. It’s not her.”
I didn’t go back into the story of “I don’t fit in anywhere. I’ll NEVER find my weirdos”. Instead I just dropped trying to figure it out and decided to be curious.
So imagine my surprise when I found my best friend in Savannah, Georgia. Where neither of us is from.
Your brain is limited to ONLY what it can imagine which is typically based off of things that seem reasonable or stories you’ve heard of before.
But the UNIVERSE has unlimited options.
Once you decide on the WHAT, stay OUT of the how. Trust your body, trust the signs.
I’m a big sign person. Especially when I’m manifesting something, instead of spending time thinking “IS this is a sign or isn’t it??” I just say YES to the signs.
When my body feels like it’s a YES but my head is like “mmmmmmm….mayyyyyybe” I listen to my body.
I almost didn’t go to Savannah. We had NO money at the time, I was just starting my business and it was a massive hassle to leave the kids since I was the mom.
But something was PULLING me. It made NO sense but when I thought about going I felt HIGH and when I thought about not going I felt *almost* depressed.
And then I’m watching a Real World/Road Rules episode (don’t judge it was a long time ago) and they were talking about casting calls and one of them was Savannah.
That was my sign.
I trusted my GUT (not my mind who looooves to talk me out of things) and trusted the Universe who LOVES to give signs and I booked my flight to Savannah.
When I got there, instead of waiting for everyone to start meeting in the main room of the house for dinner, I wandered around the house.
It was the COOLEST house and totally haunted.
Something I just RECENTLY learned from Amanda was that she TOO had decided to not just isolate herself in her room, which as a fellow “I don’t fit in anywhere” person, was her typical M.O.
She heard my voice in someone else’s room, decided to come meet me. We ended up sitting next to each other throughout the retreat, made a date to talk on the phone the next Friday.
That was February of 2014 and ALMOST every week since then we’ve spent hours on the phone.
The first group of women that joined Rewire, same thing. So many “I don’t belong heres”. Most of us bonded over the JOY that came from being loved without judgement for the first time ever.
Whoever you are.
Whatever you’ve been told makes you a problem.
You’re too shy, you’re too loud, you’re too nice, you’re too harsh, you’re too much this and not enough that, I PROMISE you.
Your people are out there.
They are waiting for YOU. They want who you ARE, not who you’ve been trying to be.
The only way to find people who love you is by unapologetically being yourself.
Connection is a life force. And if you’re missing it and you WANT it, I want to invite you to join Rewired AF.
It is a six month coaching program that will change the rest of your life.
And you WILL find your people. Your weirdos are here ready to LOVE you without judgement while you learn how to love YOURSELF without judgment.
We start September 14th. The group is capped at 10 so make sure you don’t wait to apply.
Go to the sign-up page and apply now. Just THINK! You could find your people as SOON as next week.
And if your body is like “YES I WANT THIS” and your brain is like “YIKES that sounds scary. You should probably wait”. Listen to your body. On the application you will schedule a time to talk with me. Bring me your fears, I’ll ask you the perfect questions so that you can make the perfect answer for YOU.
Ok, until next time…
The weirdo in ME sees and adores the weirdo in you.
See you in Rewired AF, ya weirdos!
GOOD YES Tell me the weird things.