Hello, Gorgeous Soul.

Before we get started on today’s AMAZING episode – and this episode is SO good – I have an announcement for all of you who are joining or considering joining my group program starting in September. There has been a change made to the format. The live event is NOT going to be the virtual 2 1/2 days. Instead it’s going to be sprinkled into the beginning of the program. I LOVE this for the group and believe it will create less quick start excitable energy that is FUN but not always sustainable. When we’re able to gather in person, we’ll go back to the live event.

Ok, let’s get into this.

Nothing….NOTHING changes unless you go deeper.

If you find yourself repeating the same patterns over and over.

Finding yourself in the same old place in your marriage.

Learning the same life lessons over and over.

Gaining and losing the same 20 pounds.

Cleaning your house, cluttering your house.

Being on a schedule, abandoning the schedule.

Making a plan for how you want to change your life, trying and giving up on your plan

THIS IS WHY: it’s because you have been trying to change the surface without the deep clean.

A few years ago we hired a wonderful amazing angel woman named Eva to come clean our house.

I interviewed several people but she said something during our conversation that made me think, “DONE SOLD YES”

When we were talking logistics about when she was available that would work with our schedule she said… “I can do a few regular cleans but then I will do a deep clean. The deep clean makes the surface cleaning better.”

And I was like WAIT STOP OMG. YESSSSSS the deep clean makes the surface cleaning better.

she just meant that it will be easier for her every time she comes and for me in between her cleanings. But, of course, I take everything to the deepest level so I was like THAT IS SOOOO TRUE.

And she just kind of looked at me like “Ok weirdo. See you later”

But listen.

If you START with a deeply clean house, it is MUCH easier to surface clean.

Does the deep clean take longer? YES. Like 3-4 times longer. It’s a harder job. But it pays off by making things easier later AND the results of the deep clean last MUCH longer than a surface clean.

That’s why she said we could do a couple surface cleans but the deep clean was essential.

This is true for your home and it’s SO incredibly true for your life.

You can make all the surface changes you want, but if you don’t go DEEP, nothing changes.

If you want to change your BODY, but you don’t go into the subconscious beliefs you have about your body, other people’s bodies, how you’ve tied your body to your worth and do a DEEP clean? You will keep ending up right back where you started.

If you want to change your relationship but you don’t go into the subconscious beliefs about who you think you need to BECOME, what you think it’s SUPPOSED to look like, how you need to change, what a perfect relationship looks like, you WILL keep ending up in the same fights, in the same relationship patterns.

NOTHING changes permanently unless you go deeper.

So I’ve taught this before, but let me give you a refresher course on your conscious versus subconscious mind.

And since we’re already doing metaphors today, let’s use one of my favorite metaphors.

Think about a garden. The soil, the dirt, the EARTH is your subconscious mind.

Nothing will grow in a garden if you don’t plant seeds. Your THOUGHTS are the seeds. Your THOUGHTS are your conscious mind.

Whatever seed you plant in the garden is what will grow there. If you want an apple tree, you’ll plant an apple seed, if you want roses, you’ll plant rose seeds. The GARDEN doesn’t argue or question your choice. It just takes whatever seed is planted and it GROWS it.

And the more you tend to your garden and nourish the soil, the stronger the roots become. The stronger the apple tree, rose bush, tomato plant…WHATEVER is.

And if you decide that you don’t want the apple tree there anymore, you can cut the tree down. You can cut it down to a tiny little stump. But the roots are still there. The apple tree is STILL there, under the soil. We can only fully get rid of it if you uproot it.

OK, now back to your mind.

Whatever thought you plant in your subconscious mind is what will grow there. The subconscious mind isn’t judging anything. That’s not it’s job. It’s not questioning ANY thought seed you plant. It’s just there to grow the thought into a belief.

And the more you TEND to that thought, the more you think it, the deeper the roots grow, the stronger the belief becomes.

And just like that, you have a subconscious belief about yourself that WHO YOU ARE is a problem. That you aren’t lovable. That you aren’t capable of creating whatever it is you want to create.

That you are a failure at love, at goals, at work, at being a human. You have deep beliefs that you’re doing life wrong. That you have to be perfect. That you need to put your OWN happiness behind everyone else’s. That taking care of yourself is SELFISH.

And then one day you get fed up with it. You are exhausted. Resentful. Overwhelmed. TIRED of going through life in survival mode and being distracted. Tired of vacillating between annoyed and guilty.

And you’re like OK. I need to make these changes.

I don’t want to feel overwhelmed anymore. I want to feel FREE. And so you’re like ok. What do I need to DO to not be overwhelmed anymore? I need a routine. I need to lose weight. I need to manage my time better. I need to prioritize myself.

So we start chopping at the surface. Write down a detailed schedule of how you’ll take care of yourself each day. When you’ll exercise. Meditate. What you’ll eat. Maybe you’ll create an elaborate schedule that you are DETERMINED to follow because THIS time is going to be different.

Except, it’s not.

The reason why you haven’t made the changes in your life and stuck to them is because you have tried making the changes on a conscious level, taking actions.

What you REALLY need to do is uproot the beliefs. Bring up the subconscious thoughts that have the VERY strong roots.

Is it HARDER to uproot the unwanted belief than change the surface level thoughts?

Well…kind of.

You might have to see things that are uncomfortable. You may have to see the shit that’s been hiding underneath the surface, doing the most damage.

So that part might be harder. But the result of putting that time and effort in is that it’s EASIER to make SURFACE level changes.

And we’re back to the cleaning metaphor.

Once you’ve done a deep cleaning, it’s SO MUCH EASIER to keep the surface clean.

Once you’ve dug up the roots, it’s so much EASIER to plant what you WANT to grow.

Yes, unearthing subconscious beliefs might feel hard at FIRST, but it makes your entire life easier.

Because let’s say you have a subconscious belief that you never follow through. You’ve believed this about yourself since you were little. It was the running joke in the family that you always started things but never finished them. And so throughout your life that’s what you experienced. Starting and stopping. Trying for a little while and giving up.

And throughout the years you got TIRED of that about yourself. It became something you hated about yourself. You tried doing it differently. You tried getting organized, you tried accountability partners, you tried everything. But it just seemed like no matter what you tried, you always ended up in the same place again.

It’s because those things you are trying are surface level.

So, then I come along. Hiiiii I’m your expert brain gardener. And guess what? If you want to really do this, we’re gonna have to pull up this subconscious belief that there’s something wrong with you and that you never follow through.

And we’re going to see WHY you believed this. Where did you learn this? How did it FEEL to think this about yourself?

And that part requires work.

We’re going to uproot it AND stop watering it. Stop feeding it. Stop nourishing it.

And that requires effort as well because it’s a HABIT. It’s just second nature to believe these shitty subconscious beliefs.

But the way neuroplasticity works is that if one connection fades, there is room for another to form.

So you start planting new thought seeds. Thoughts that SERVE you. Thoughts that help you move FORWARD like “I DO follow through. I am capable of following through. I am learning to keep going even when it feels like it’s not working”

That part, too, might require a little effort. Because you have to practice that. In order for the conscious thoughts to become subconscious beliefs they have to be practiced on purpose.

But here’s the thing.

Once you DO this work. Once you start believing a different belief about yourself like moving from “I never follow through” to “I am a person who follows through,” everything changes.

Not just the one surface thing. That rewired subconscious belief will serve you in EVERY area of your life. You follow through on projects. You follow through on goals. You follow through on boundaries. You follow through on honoring your promises to yourself.

If you don’t take the time to change it the deeper level, the roots remain. And they are stronger than your conscious mind.

So. Does it take longer? Is it harder?


What’s taking longer is coming back to the same old shit week after week.

What’s HARDER is believing that you aren’t capable of creating a life that you LIKE to live.

YES, there is up front work, the deep clean. But I would argue that it’s EASIER and QUICKER than what you’ve been trying to do to change what you don’t like.

So, I’ll give you 3 questions you can ask yourself to start doing this work NOW. But first, I want to offer that the quickest and easiest way to do this work is to have someone who knows HOW, teach you.

THIS is what we’ll do in Rewired AF, my six month coaching program.

I’m going to TEACH you how to know your brain as well as I know your brain. How to see your subconscious beliefs so you can change them on your own. For six months I will hand you every tool you need and teach you how to use it.

And then? You have the tools for the rest of your life. You KNOW how to do the deep cleanings. If you want to change ANYTHING ever in your future…your relationship, your job, your body, your life, you will simply know how to do the deep work, find the subconscious belief that’s created what you DON’T want so that you can rewire it, practice it and TRANSFORM any are of your life.

In this group you will step into your own power to become the EXPERT of your conscious and subconscious mind, know your brain backwards forwards inside out so that you know how to be your OWN expert brain gardner.

SO much mixing of metaphors.

It’s a six month investment but the RETURN is that the REST of your life will be better.

Ok, so 3 questions I want you to start asking yourself as you start going DEEP.

1. WHY do I believe this thought about myself? Where did it come from? When did I learn it?
2. What would be different about my life if this seed was never planted in my subconscious? For example, if I NEVER had the thought “I am a person who never follows through?” What would be different?
3. What would change if I uprooted this belief? How would that affect my future self?

If you actually USE those questions, you will feel downright compelled to do this work. Because life can change QUICKLY. Beliefs can take time to change, but they can also be uprooted in an instant. The only way to do it, though, is to DO it.

Sign up at kristenfinch.com to talk to me about all your Rewired AF questions.

In the meantime, I love you so damn much. I BELIEVE in you. I WANT you to know your fullest power so you can feel FREE and LIGHT. See you next week.

In this foundational episode, you will learn that:

  1. Calm is a feeling. Calm AF is a way of being
  2. Calm AF isn’t a new thing to learn because it’s already there, wired into you
  3. Becoming calm AF is a return to trusting yourself, believing in yourself, and loving yourself deeply

Grab some coffee and give it a listen. You got this. And I got you.

– Kristen


– AND –

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And if you want to dig deeper and work with a coach who’s GOT YOU, contact me to set up a free consult. I love working with people who are hard on themselves, the over-thinkers, people pleasers, perfectionists, and overachievers. Any of this ringing your bell? I’d love to hear from you!