Hello, Gorgeous Soul.

Self worth: how to practice so it sticks/ spiritual hoarding

I am back from about 2 1/2 weeks of travel. Back back back. Refreshed after a very long 18 months of not seeing my people and having time away.

And I’ve got so much to say.

I just kept writing down all the things i wanted to talk to you about in a list on my phone.

And one of the biggest ones is a message i want you to get because it’s something i hear so often from people.

Why can’t I make this stuff stick?

I know what to do….but I don’t do it.

Or, from my podcast listeners, “I listen to every episode sometimes more than once. It makes total sense about taping into my calm AF self. I get it. But it just doesn’t work for me. I try, i want to…but I always find myself realizing well into an overthinking loop or well into a total panic and then it’s too late. And I get mad at myself.”

Or, from my clients, “I mean, when we have our session i feel so prepared and so ready and then something happens at work or something happens in my relationship and i go right back to my old ways. I just don’t think this is working.”

Or, from the people in my personal life, “well, it’s easy for you. This is just how you are. But for me? That’s just not how my brain works. I try to stop worrying. I try to stop overthinking . I try to stop the anxiety, but once it starts it’s like I have no control over it.”

So. Let’s lay it out on the table.

If it feels like it’s not working, it’s because you probably aren’t making the deep changes that need to be made. In other words, you are not working.

If you had a tool shed and it was full…floor to ceiling… with the best tools in the world that you kept buying because you thought you might use it sometime or maybe you used it once and then never again…i think we could agree that you were a tool hoarder. We could say that your shed was full of clutter that is not helping you.

The tools you have gathered over the years in your self-help shed to make yourself feel better….the self-help books in your audible library or on your bookshelf, the half-finished journals, the forgotten meditation app, the hardly used yoga mat, the every-once-in-a while-gratitude practice, the bought but never used self-help courses….it’s spiritual clutter.

And here’s the biggest problem with hoarding all the personal growth tools: they all work…brilliantly. But if you only pull out the tool you think you need when it’s convenient or when it’s an emergency, you can’t be surprised when it doesn’t work.

If the only time you practice “breathe breathe breathe” is when you’re in the middle of a panic attack…it’s not as effective as when you practice when you’re not panicking.

If you’re desperately trying to rewire your thoughts when your boss brain is screaming insults at you…it’s going to be so much harder to access.

I had a client come to me recently and say that she had read the book untamed and it moved her at the soul level. While she was reading it she felt fierce and confident. But the feeling wasn’t sticking.

So I asked her, “well, what did you do with the messages and the feelings you had while you were reading it. How did you take the things that moved you and put them into your life?”

Short answer: she didn’t.

She read it and then just expected her brain to download the messages and she should be instantly transformed into a cheetah. (if you’ve read the book, you get that.)

That is not how it works.

You are not a master at building a house just because you have a shed full of tools.

You are not going to transform a mindset because you’ve read a ton of books.

If you want to actually change your life, you’ve got to practice using the tools that resonate with you, every single day.

In 2014 i started a challenge called 21-day rewire. For 21 days I sent people a new lesson. I taught about forgiveness and vulnerability and, how to manage your thoughts.

To this day people tell me a few times a month that rewire was the only program they ever did that actually created lifelong changes.

Do you know why? It wasn’t because they got a shit ton of inspiring lessons and tools from me.

It was because every single day they started their day by setting an intention and practicing being grateful.

They got a lot of tools but they practiced a few every single day until they were proficient.

They were becoming experts in setting intentions and building efficient gratitude muscles. As a result, they were able to tap right into gratitude anytime they needed it because it was such a hardwired connection.

I have students from that rewire back in 2014 who have been setting intentions and practicing gratitude every day since. They don’t forget about intentions. They don’t forget about gratitude. They don’t pull it out when things get tough. It works for them like magic because they have practiced using these tools to the point where they aren’t trying to be more intentional in their lives…..they are intentional.

This is why I am bringing rewire back…not as a 21 day challenge….a deep dive. 21 weeks to practice rewiring as a group….which is the best way to do it. When you connect with a group at this level – when it moves from isolated practice to community – we go farther.

It’s called Rewired AF.

If you are even a little bit interested in this: go to your calendar and block off September 9-12. I’m kicking it off with a virtual retreat….I wanted to do in person but I’m skeptical about traveling in September.

But…we will do a full weekend of bonding as a group…which is my superpower. I’ll teach my face off, I’ll coach your face off and then….we spend the next 21 weeks together…weekly coaching, love letters, lessons.

I know in my bones this group of gorgeous souls will be transformed.

Ok….back to the tool shed.

First things first, if your brain is trying to shame you for a spiritual tool shed full of clutter, stop.

There is nothing wrong with you…this is how brains work.

There are several reasons I see over and over again as to why people don’t become efficient tool masters:

1. They give up because they think it’s not working after they’ve tried it for a few days. This is my overachievers and perfectionists who have spent their lives being good at everything and when they don’t get immediate results, they give up.
2. It works but then life gets busy, something happens and they de-prioritize it. Oh, I don’t have time to journal, set intentions, meditate. There’s an old proverb, “you should sit and meditate every day for 20 minutes. Unless you’re too busy and then you should sit for an hour.”
3. It works and so you think you don’t need to practice it daily. I was feeling so confident I stopped rewiring my doubt thoughts. I was feeling so accepting, i stopped practicing rewiring my resentment patterns.

Here’s what I really want you to hear. Pay attention.

You will rewire your brain for calm, for happiness you will teach your brain how to focus, stay committed when and only when you are practicing those things not when you need them, but when you don’t.

Rewiring old stories happens when you’re practicing them when you’re not triggered.

Rewiring limiting beliefs happens when you’re practicing on a slow Saturday morning, not a super busy Monday afternoon.

You become an empowered thinker, a person who wakes up and is in their life, not just going through the motions or reacting to life when you are practicing being an empowered and intentional thinker every single day.

When you do this, it just becomes who you are so that when the inevitable shit does hit the fan…when you suffer a loss or change a job or leave a relationship or are left in a relationship or don’t get the job or have a big fight….you won’t be trying to learn to rewire in that moment. You will be so proficient you can just access it with ease when you need it.

Where to start?

First of all? Rewired AF. My group. It will change your damn life, me and your new soul squad will be with you ever day for 21 weeks…and probably forever.

But until September…here’s what I want you to do to start becoming an efficient rewire-r.

1. Make it non negotiable commit to practicing by creating an even when list. Even when I’m tired. Even when I’m on vacation. Even when I’m busy. Even when I get interrupted. Even when I’m sick (there have been many times I’ve done intentions in my head when I couldn’t bear to grab my notebook).
2. Keep it simple. Y’all always want to complicate this. Notice that I didn’t say: block out 2 hours of your day or get up an hour early or shop for the perfect notebook. It doesn’t freaking matter. If you have some flexibility and can carve out 30 minutes or more amazing. But somedays…I am spending 5 minutes. Writing in my journal my intentions, and writing down or sometimes even just reading a past day’s rewiring practice. For example, when I was on vacation last week on our last day we had to pack and clean up the house and I opened my notebook, wrote down today i choose calm and gratitude and then read a journal entry from a few days before to remind my brain of the thought I’m working on rewiring. It probably took 3 minutes. But I prioritized it.
3. Make sure you have visual reminders. One of my favorite easy reminders is that I write my intentions on a post it note and stick it to my computer. I often have clients set alarms on their phones. I’ve had clients draw a line with a marker on the back of their hand so that every time they noticed it, they’d be reminded of what they are working on.
4. Invest in yourself. When my clients sign up to work with me 1:1…that moment that we put them on the schedule and they make their payment, they are invested at a much higher level. It’s great to have a friend for accountability, but listen….your friends are nice to you and if you have some great reason why you didn’t show up, they will believe your reason and say “oh it’s ok…” I totally do that with my friends. But for my clients….no. I don’t yell at my clients ever but I definitely push them to see why they still aren’t making their mental wellbeing their highest priority. Again Rewired AF will give you this invested accountability…so definitely get on that list to join. Can you tell I’m so excited for this??? 🙂

Alright, there you go, gorgeous soul. If you have been wondering why you can’t just seem to make these tools stick…now you know…you never have to wonder again and you know what to do about it. So do it. Don’t use this podcast as spiritual clutter….practice.

Love you so much. Don’t forget to sign up for the Rewired AF interest list and I will talk to you next week.

In this foundational episode, you will learn that:

  1. Calm is a feeling. Calm AF is a way of being
  2. Calm AF isn’t a new thing to learn because it’s already there, wired into you
  3. Becoming calm AF is a return to trusting yourself, believing in yourself, and loving yourself deeply

Grab some coffee and give it a listen. You got this. And I got you.

– Kristen

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And if you want to dig deeper and work with a coach who’s GOT YOU, contact me to set up a free consult. I love working with people who are hard on themselves, the over-thinkers, people pleasers, perfectionists, and overachievers. Any of this ringing your bell? I’d love to hear from you!