Hello, Gorgeous Soul.

Unhelpful habits – any habits that don’t serve you – are definitely not going to create the results you want. These are 10 things that are super important to stop doing, because they’re standing directly between you and your goal.

10.Stop assuming you know what other people are thinking.
I promise you, this is making you miserable. Because, what you’re doing is you are thinking that you have control, that you somehow have access to other people’s minds and you might be just believing things that aren’t true. Sorry to break this to you. If you really think that you have access and you think you know what other people are thinking, you don’t. Maybe you can guess, but the thing is you can never actually know a hundred percent of the time because the other person has to tell you the truth, right? So that’s just something to quit doing. Quit assuming you know what other people are thinking.

9. Quit doing anything that doesn’t support or serve who you are becoming.
Think about where you want to be a year from now. Think about your goals for this upcoming year and think about the person you will be one year from today. The only way to achieve those goals and be that person is to stop doing anything that doesn’t support or serve who you’re becoming. So think about every decision you make through that filter. What you eat, drink, think, say – does it support the person you are becoming? If not, skip it.

8. Stop believing you have to prove your worth or worthiness.
Oh my gosh. This may show up in the form of people pleasing, doing things so that other people will see you are a good person and that will prove you’re worthy. It’s a waste of your time. It separates you from your integrity. It takes you further away from who you are here to be. Okay? So if you could just take this moment right here and listen to me, you are worthy the end because you were born, because you are a human being and you are worthy. You don’t have to prove it to anyone and nobody can take it away from you. No one can make you more worthy or less worthy. You just are. The end.

7. Quit with survival mode already.
It is very unlikely that your life requires you to be living in survival mode. I don’t care how busy you are. I don’t care how crazy it is. You have all these things going on. We get it. And? You can live on purpose. Survival mode is simply you checking out. It doesn’t change things. In fact, it does the opposite. It just leaves you there. It leaves you in the struggle. It leaves you in the confusion. It leaves you in the monotony. It doesn’t change. Instead, show up for your life, even though it’s not perfect. Even though it might be hard right now. No matter what, you can quit. You can live on purpose.

6. Say goodbye to instant gratification.
I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve told, “Listen, this takes a minute. Let it take a minute. Change doesn’t happen automatically. It doesn’t happen overnight.” And when you are working to change something about yourself, whether it’s a habit or a mindset or a thought or anything or behavior, you have to understand the way your brain works. It isn’t designed to change on a dime. It’s not meant to go from like “I don’t do it” to “Now I totally do it” without some true reprogramming. I have so many people who think that something has gone wrong when they try to start a new habit and it doesn’t click automatically. Or they don’t do it perfectly right away. Right? Keep going. You’re not supposed to get it right away. Instant gratification is not something that’s going to create the change that you want. Let change take a minute and be okay with that.

5. Stop living in the past or future tripping.
You’ve got to give this up. You’ve got to quit it. We all do. Usually you’re thinking about something that happened in the past, or you’re going to the future and trying to predict, or trying to prevent something from happening. It’s all a waste of your time. There’s literally nothing you can do about the past. So whatever it is that you’re rehashing over and over and over in your mind, look at it, evaluate it. What worked, what didn’t work? What would I change about it? Learn your lesson and then move back into the moment, into the now. But stop dwelling back there. The present is the only possibility we have of change. You can’t go back and change the past. You can’t go to the future and change something. The only available moment for you is right now. So, I urge you to quit or at least be aware.

4. Quit hating and trying to white knuckle your way to happiness.
Here’s what I mean by this. I have so many people who set goals for themselves that are based on not being enough. So their goal might be to lose weight because they don’t think they’re good enough at the weight they’re at. They don’t think they’re worthy. So the goal starts in a place of hate and it just keeps going. So this is like punishing yourself, beating yourself up, clawing and scratching your way to a goal. What I know for sure is that unhappy journeys don’t have happy endings, right? This is what I talk about all the time. If you are miserable the entire way on your way to reaching a goal, I promise you when you hit that goal, you’re not going to be like, oh no, I feel good. That’s just not how it works. The other option, the way that I teach, is really aligning with how you want to feel first so that you feel that way all the way while you’re working on the goal, because hating yourself will not create the feeling that you want to feel, unless the feeling you want to feel it self-hatred, which I doubt.

3. Stop being confused.
I have two rules for all of my clients. The first one is, you are not allowed to beat yourself up. And the second one is, you’re not allowed to answer any of my questions with “I don’t know.” Here’s why: “I don’t know” just leads to more confusion. It’s an indulgence. The more you indulge in confusion, the less you have to try. Indulging in confusion means you don’t have to try and figure things out. You believe, on some level, that your brain will not go searching for answers. It’s just a habit that we have of telling ourselves. “I don’t know how to do this.” So that’s a great thing to quit. Stop saying, I don’t know. And ask yourself, “What if I did know? What if I could figure this out?”

2. Drop the victim mentality. Give it up.
PEOPLE. Give up the victim mentality. I know nobody likes the word victim because that feels very like, “oh, poor me, poor me.” I get it. Nobody likes that word. Here’s how I mean it. When I talk about victim mindset, victim mindset is simply the belief that anyone or anything has control over you – over your feelings, over your mood, over your actions, over your happiness. If you think that the reason why you aren’t as happy as you want to be, has anything to do with anyone other than you. Maybe it’s because of your husband. It’s because of your wife. It’s because of your kids. It’s because of your dad. It’s because of your mom. It’s because of your boss. It’s because of your friends. It’s because of your money. It’s because of your job or your success. If you think that is what’s creating your lack of happiness, that is a victim mindset. Think ownership. Ownership, one hundred percent ownership, over your life because you really are always in control. You might allow other people to have control over you. You might believe that other people have the ability to impact your feelings, your thoughts, and they do. Other people can impact it. They don’t control it. That’s the difference. You ultimately have control over your thoughts and feelings. Other people can affect them, but you are the one in charge of your own happiness – or your own misery. YOU get to claim both.

And the number one thing to stop doing to quit NOW is thinking that you were supposed to be doing this all on your own, thinking that you need to just figure this out for yourself, thinking, “Nah, I know better.” Or, “I know what I need to know. I’m just not doing it.” Stop. The reason why this is so on my mind and in my heart right now is because that is probably the number one reason why you haven’t gotten where you want to go while you haven’t figured it out is because you think you need to figure it out on your own. We’re not meant to do this on our own. Give yourself the gift of having someone help you. Get a coach, get a therapist, do something. But I do believe that’s the number one reason why people don’t get what they want is because they think they just need to figure it out on their own. Particularly women. We have been taught that it’s a weakness, although definitely men have been taught this as well. We’re all just taught to buckle down, pull your bootstraps up. Just figure it out. We’re not meant to do that. And if you are still struggling with something you’ve been struggling with for a long time, don’t think that you’re supposed to do it on your own. You’re not. Quit thinking that you need to figure this out on your own. Because you really don’t.

In this foundational episode, you will learn that:

  1. Calm is a feeling. Calm AF is a way of being
  2. Calm AF isn’t a new thing to learn because it’s already there, wired into you
  3. Becoming calm AF is a return to trusting yourself, believing in yourself, and loving yourself deeply

Grab some coffee and give it a listen. You got this. And I got you.

– Kristen


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And if you want to dig deeper and work with a coach who’s GOT YOU, contact me to set up a free consult. I love working with people who are hard on themselves, the over-thinkers, people pleasers, perfectionists, and overachievers. Any of this ringing your bell? I’d love to hear from you!