Hello, Gorgeous Soul.
Does it ever feel like life is overwhelming? Like you’re drowning and right at the last second you get a gasp of air before heading back under – before going head-first back into life? This episode from October 2019 is all about that.
I had just visited with a client that week who’d said to me, “Kristen, I feel like I was always drowning. And right before I ran out of breath, I’d like, shoot up to the top and grab just a gasp of air before going right back down to drown again.”
Feel familiar? Yeah, me too. We’ve all been there in our lives: feels like we’re pulled under life’s waters and somehow, against any chance, we get a moment of relief before getting pulled right back under again. And again. And again.
What she said next buoyed me so much. She told me, “And now I know how to swim. To stay above the water and enjoy it.”
I mean, come on. If I could have jumped through the computer screen and like hugged her and threw confetti on her in baked her a cake and threw her a party, I would have, maybe I still will.
It’s amazing though. Right? And I had to share this because I’m like, that is the perfect metaphor. It’s the perfect metaphor. This is what I do. Everything I’m sharing with you is about this learning, how to change your thoughts, learning how to rewire your thoughts is like learning to swim. So when you learn to swim, you do it because it’s fun. Everybody loves to swim. It’s all summer long, whatever. But you also learn to swim so you don’t drown. You practice it consistently, right? Swimming lessons are like every week or every day for a couple of weeks in the summer. However you do it. But you do it consistently so that you get better and better and you feel more confident so that if you are around water, you don’t have to sit around worrying about it. Because if you fall in or if the waters get rough or something, you know how to swim, you know when you need to tread, you know when you need to flip on your back and float, or when you just need to keep on swimming. And it’s the same with learning how to change the way you think, learning how to rewire your thoughts. Because it is super fun. (Contrary to what some of my clients say at the beginning!)
Anytime you learn something new, it kind of feels hard at first. But when it clicks, oh my God. For my client, I could see – literally – the moment when it clicked for her. Like, wait a second. My thoughts really do create my reality. I bet means I can create other things. If I can do this, I can do that. And it’s so fun.
But you also learn how to rewire. So you don’t drown because of the truth is that there are lots of things that happen that are out of our control, right? I think people get this confused sometimes. And they’re like, I rewired my thoughts. I thought positive all day long, and something bad still happened.
THAT IS NOT WHAT REWIRING IS.
Rewiring does not prevent bad things from happening. It just keeps you from drowning when shit happens.
This client started working with me because she was drowning in her life. And every single week, since we started working together, she shows up, I teach her some new skills. She goes off and she practices them. And she shows up consistently because she has invested her time, her money, her energy in coaching with me, she practices consistently every week. She’s learning how to rewire more and more. She’s learning new skills and how to be a better, more proficient, more capable rewirer. Not a better swimmer, not a better person, but a better rewirer. And then something bad happened. Something that was like truly a scary thing. A very, very difficult situation happened to her. And when it happened, she used her rewire skills.
Like she was like, I just did. I just slipped into it. And I did it.
She used her new skills of how to get herself out of that fight or flight panicky place. She used her ability to show up and love. Instead of judge. That’s a big thing we’ve worked on and her ability not to go down the shame spiral. Instead of her thinking like this is all my fault, I’ve done something wrong, I’m bad. I am the problem here. She was able to use her rewired thoughts to get her through the situation without going under. She just showed up and handled it. She didn’t go back to the old way. She did exactly what she had been practicing and she didn’t drown.
In this foundational episode, you will learn that:
- Calm is a feeling. Calm AF is a way of being
- Calm AF isn’t a new thing to learn because it’s already there, wired into you
- Becoming calm AF is a return to trusting yourself, believing in yourself, and loving yourself deeply
Grab some coffee and give it a listen. You got this. And I got you.