Hello, Gorgeous Soul.

Today I am going to introduce you to a concept I call The Team.

I’ve been coaching people’s minds since 2013. Coaching is very different than just listening, and it certainly is not advice giving. As much as my clients WISH I would just tell them what to do, that would NOT be coaching.

What I do in coaching is that I observe my clients’ thoughts. I almost see them like each thought is floating towards me in a bubble. Some of the thoughts I let float away, and some of them I grab, and then I show that thought to my client.

I grab the important ones….the ones that are lies they are believing, the ones that are old stories they were programmed to believe, the thoughts that are keeping them stuck where they are.

I grab them and show them to my client so he or she can see….HEY….look at what you’re thinking here. Do you see how this thought is SO unhelpful? Do you see how this thought is totally keeping you from what you want to manifest or create or achieve?

I can SEE it. And something I’ve observed in over 8 years and countless thought bubbles is that everyone has a team, a group of “characters” we’ll call them, in their head.

You think it’s just random thoughts flowing through your head non-stop but there are clear patterns. Some people have a bunch of different characters up in their head – which is fun – but I noticed that almost EVEYRONE had a core team of about 4.

And they are the Lizard. The Boss. The Teenager. And the toddler.

Today I’m going to talk about the team and then for the next four episodes I’m going to dive deeper into EACH one of these team members.

Because the more you understand your mind and your thoughts, the EASIER it becomes to change your thoughts.

And truly….the way to change your LIFE….any part of it….is to change your MIND.

Most people think it’s changing their habits or changing the actions they take or changing their behavior that creates transformation.

Nope. I mean, of course if you want something different you have to do something different, but if you don’t change your MIND…those actions will not stick.

So let me introduce you to THE TEAM: the group of thought patterns inside your head, chatting your ear off, making your decisions.

First, there’s the lizard. The lizard is loudest when you are triggered, when your heart starts beating faster, when you feel panicked. The lizard spends their time alerting you of all the real and imagined danger around you and everywhere.

Then there’s the boss. The boss is usually the loudest and most dominant team member. The boss wants to maintain CONTROL.

The teenager. So, the teenager and the toddler are actually quite similar. And I actually thought they were the same pattern until I was working with my client and we were calming her toddler and she was like, “You know…this really feels more like a TEENAGER.”

And I was like OF COURSE.

So let me talk about the toddler first.

The toddler is tired of trying to be good. The toddler really shows up when you just CAN’T listen to the boss anymore. When the boss is tired of being in charge. The toddler sounds whiny. Like “I don’t wannnnaaaaaaa” The toddler throws tantrums.

The TEENAGER slams doors. The teenager sounds more like “Whatever”. The teenager kind of takes on the Fuck It attitude. Whatever. What’s the point? Why bother? These are the teenager’s battle cries.

That’s The Team and, as I said, we’ll get deeper into each member of the team in the next few weeks. I’ll tell you not just how to recognize which member of the team is running the control panel but also how to calm them down, how to quiet them down.

But today, here’s what I want you to know about The Team.

They aren’t here to make your life harder.

They *think* they are making your life easier. That’s why so many people will say things like “Oh, it’s just EASIER if I do everything”….no, totally false, it is DEFINITELY not easier to take on everyone’s shit, but the boss has CONVINCED you of this.

Every member of the team thinks they’re protecting you from something. Protecting you from feeling SHAME or embarrassment or unworthy if you make a mistake. (boss)

Protecting you from being rejected or outcast by just not caring or numbing out (teenager)

Protecting you from being abandoned by making sure you are VIGILANTLY thinking about what everyone else thinks (lizard)

They aren’t TRYING to make your life harder, but they ARE.

The next thing I want you to understand about the team is that the team is not YOU. YOU are not the team. These are just thought patterns. You are not your thoughts, you HAVE thoughts. You are not the team, you HAVE a team.

And when you start recognizing who’s driving the car, when you can zoom out, you can OBSERVE the team. You can WATCH the thoughts. You can see who is driving, you can see what they NEED.

And THAT is where you move out of powerless energy, out of fear and into the driver’s seat. When you understand this, you move into EMPOWERED thinking.

It is ALWAYS a choice who you are letting drive.

When you zoom out and OBSERVE the situation, you are accessing your logical brain and your highest-level thinking, your CALM AF self.

And that calm AF self is NOT going to put up with the teenager’s shit.

The calm AF self is NOT going to be intimidated or pressured by the boss.

The calm AF self is NOT going to be afraid of a tantrum.

The calm AF self is NOT going to let a freaking LIZARD drive the car.

That’s dangerous.

Lizards don’t know how to drive. And their legs are NOT long enough to reach the pedals.

When you learn to recognize the team and what they sound like and when they show up and how to calm them down, you slide EASILY into your Calm AF self.

And that’s where life begins to feel easier. Because we don’t always get to control what life throws at us. But we DO get to choose to let the boss bully us, the teenager slam the door, or the toddler have a tantrum. It’s a CHOICE to let the lizard drive the car.

And when you know that, when you zoom out and supervise the team, you can be calm AF no matter WHAT is happening around you.

In this foundational episode, you will learn that:

  1. Calm is a feeling. Calm AF is a way of being
  2. Calm AF isn’t a new thing to learn because it’s already there, wired into you
  3. Becoming calm AF is a return to trusting yourself, believing in yourself, and loving yourself deeply

Grab some coffee and give it a listen. You got this. And I got you.

– Kristen


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And if you want to dig deeper and work with a coach who’s GOT YOU, contact me to set up a free consult. I love working with people who are hard on themselves, the over-thinkers, people pleasers, perfectionists, and overachievers. Any of this ringing your bell? I’d love to hear from you!