“So here’s the thing about rewiring thoughts: It is possible for almost EVERY human. Not only is it possible, but it’s exactly what the brain does IF AND WHEN we don’t let other thoughts get in the way. There is a very specific, proven process to making this happen.”

Episode 216

Calm AF Life, Part 4: Rewiring Your Thoughts (You’re Already an Expert!)

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Hello, Gorgeous Soul.

Before we dig into rewiring our thoughts, I want to remind you that Calm AF Life enrollment begins NEXT THURSDAY NOVEMBER 25th. If you join me in the first 3 days of enrollment you will be an OG Member. And as a thank you, you’re getting a BUNCH of amazing bonuses. You will get access to the daily, weekly, monthly accountability piece beginning DECEMBER 1st. You will get to come live or watch the replay of the Future Self Workshop AND an invite to the infamous ReSOULutions workshop. Where I’ll be teaching you how to set goals that ACTUALLY matter and teach you how to actually achieve them this year. My goals are not like other people’s goals. Also the OG Member promotion includes a significant promotional price. The lowest this program will EVER EVER be.

Here’s what I want to share quickly about this program. It is truly a culmination of everything I have learned from my students and my clients and my own transformation over the last 20+ years. There are two parts: The Foundation which is a course that will deeply teach you things like how to regulate your nervous system, how to rewire your thoughts, how to stop numbing out or giving up or shutting down. How to have external boundaries and energetic boundaries. How to stop energy managing, people pleasing, overthinking, overworking. ALL in one course that you can come back to over and over again for the rest of your life.

THen there’s the accountability part, which is how you won’t give up this time. You will get daily, weekly, monthly reminders of who you are becoming and what you’re working on manifesting and changing and enhancing.

I truly believe there is NOTHING like this out there, and here is the KEY difference.

This is NOT a group coaching program. Yes, there’s plenty of opportunities if you’d like me to coach you, but that is optional.

It’s not an accountability program. Yes, there’s TONS of accountability support available, but that’s not what this actually is. Calm AF Life is truly a place for you to exhale. A place for you to practice being in the vibration of calm AF energy. A place to get what you want and get out OR come and hang out with some coffee and just BE with other humans who are also looking to just BE.

This is not a place where we WORK on ourselves, it’s a place where we LOVE on ourselves. Because that’s where actual transformation happens.
Whether you are brand new to my work or you’ve been a student or consumer of my message for a minute, THIS is truly for you. I’ve created a place where there ARE no levels. There is no hierarchy.

Think of it like a cozy lounge (shout out to my OG OG’s!!) where there’s comfy couches with the softest blankets, the BEST music playing in the background, and lots of LOVE and LAUGHTER and JOY and TRUE HONEST CONNECTION.

THIS is Calm AF Life.

And you are invited. Here is the link to get on the interest list. And seriously make arrangements to sign up during those 3 OG Member days because the BONUSES are actually valued at MORE than the price. Yes for real. I love you so much and am so excited to share this with you!


Rewiring Thoughts Is a Process That YOU Get to Control

Today we’re gonna talk about your thoughts.

I am going to teach you the rewire process, the LITERAL steps of how to actually rewire your thoughts. For good, for real, for life.

This is part 4 of the series, and I very intentionally waited until the 4th part to talk about mindset. Here’s why.

Because this is what people think matters the most.

Change your thoughts, change your life.

Your thoughts create your reality.

Both TRUE.

If the thoughts you are thinking are “I am never going to be able to figure this out” THAT is the reality you are creating because THAT is what you are believing.


There are steps you need BEFORE you can change your thoughts for real, for good, for life.

When Dave and I built our house back in Illinois I remember being sooooooo bored by how long the first part of the build went. Like, it felt like our plot of land just stood there untouched forever and then it felt like there was a big dirt hole forever and then a big cement hole forever. And then the framing, ughhhh. I was like “When can we get to the fun stuff? I want to pick out light fixtures and countertops and decorate this baby.

But as we know, it doesn’t matter at ALL what the countertops look like because your house is going to fall apart if the foundation isn’t solid.

THIS is how I want you to think about mindset work, thought work, belief work.

It’s GREAT. Just like the surface level of a house is what you see, the mindset work is what you see.

But if your foundation isn’t solid, it’s going to fall apart.

The foundation really is the nervous system regulation that I talked about in part 2 AND feeling your feelings, instead of avoiding them, shutting them down, numbing them out which I talked about in part 3.

Without a solid foundation, you are going to have to walk VERY carefully through your house, avoiding weak spots, trying not to fall through the floor.

Without a solid foundation in your Self, you will have FRAGILE Happiness.

Your calm AF’ness will feel weak.

MOST people are operating from this place.

Everything is fine, I’m GOOD unless my husband pisses me off or my kids have a bad day or I’m sick of my job.

As long as all the external things are ok, then I’m ok.

THIS will have you tiptoeing through your life, this fragile Calm AF’ness will be the reason you continue to energy manage and people please and push yourself to PROVE yourself to everyone.

I want you to keep this in mind today as I teach you how to rewire your thoughts.

Because while I DO think we can be working on ALL parts of the system together, just keep in the back of your mind that in order to rewire your thoughts for real, for good, for life, you MUST have a solid understanding of the stories in your backpack, the way your nervous system REACTS when those stories come out, AND how to soothe that nervous system so that you don’t have to run away from the feelings.

Otherwise your thoughts will be fragile,  your Calm AFness will be dependent on being very very careful.



So here’s the thing about thought rewiring.

It is possible for almost EVERY human.

Not only is it possible, but it’s exactly what the brain does IF we don’t let other thoughts get in the way.

Here’s an example.

Let’s say you want to learn to play the violin.

You’ve never ever picked up a violin before but you really want to learn it.

You will walk into this experience of learning this new skill with the thought,

“I am going to learn to play the violin.”

When you first start learning you are definitely not good at it. It takes a lot of brain power, you have to THINK about every thing you’re doing, how to hold the violin, where to put your fingers, how to move the bow.

It’s a very MANUAL process. Lots of concentration.

When you start playing the violin, it is pretty reasonable to expect you’re not going to be great at first.

Overachievers will have a hard time with this because they rarely try things they know they’re not going to be good at, but even they can logically understand that you are gonna have a lot of clunky wrong notes while you’re learning something new.

And then you practice practice practice.

Every day you sit down and you PRACTICE scales, you play hot cross buns.

And then? One day you pick up that violin and scales and hot cross buns are easy.

You aren’t having to THINK as hard, you aren’t really having to think at ALL, your brain has simply created the neural pathway because of the repetition.

From there, you start learning harder pieces, the skills move from basic to more technical.

You are using a lot of brain power for new things, but you aren’t making a big deal out of it, because this is simply how you get better at playing the violin.

You practice. You hit a ton of wrong notes. You get frustrated and throw the bow sometimes, but then you come back and you’re back at it.

And before you know it, you’re a violinist. You still continue to be challenged by new music, by skills that are above where you are, but the day to day “how to play a violin” and “where to put your fingers” are automatic.

THIS is how the brain works for playing the violin

Learning a new language.

Learning how to get around a new town.


Changing your thoughts.


The process itself is literally the exact same.

Introduce something new, practice it until the brain creates an automatic path, boom. New neural pathway.

The difference is this:

You know if you practice enough, you can rewire your brain to know how to play the violin.

But when it comes to rewiring your own limiting thoughts and beliefs, when it comes to the shit you’re carrying around in your trauma backpack, you’re like,

“Oh, no. These THESE are special unicorn thoughts. They aren’t able to be changed, these thoughts are just who I AM. I must keep them with me always.”

Rewire my brain to learn a new instrument? Obviously.


Rewire my brain to learn a new thought? Don’t be silly.

This is what I’ve always believed. This is who I am.

And you’re right.

You know why?

Because you have spent DECADES practicing that thought.

You learned these beliefs because of the repetition of thinking the thoughts.

Over and over you think “I’m not good enough”

Over and over you think “No matter how hard I try, nothing ever works out for me”

The thoughts you believe are hardwired NOT because they’re true, but because you’ve repeated them 37 bajillion times in your lifetime.

If you want to create a NEW thought, a new mindset, a new belief, a new neural pathway?

I’ve got AMAZING news for you.

However STRONGLY you’ve hardwired the bullshit is equivalent to your level of expertise.

You’re gonna use the exact same process to believe supportive and loving thoughts about yourself.

The ONLY difference is you’re going to do it with purpose this time. YOu’re going to do it from a regulated nervous system so you can use your smart brain to QUESTION the thoughts.

Instead of blindly believing the thoughts that people or society have offered you or the thoughts you have assumed about yourself, you are going to find thoughts that SUPPORT who you’re becoming and practice THOSE until THEY become the default path.

If you want to rewire the thought  No matter what I do, nothing ever works out for me because you’re tired of nothing working out for you, you MUST find a new thought and PRACTICE it. Repeat that thought until it becomes hardwired.

NOW. You might be thinking…I have TRIED that, Kristen.

I’ve recited affirmations until my throat hurts.

I have written “I am worthy” over and over until my hand cramps up.

It’s not working.


Of COURSE not.

If you keep jumping to try to hurry up and change a thought without debunking the thought, without feeling the feelings, without regulating the nervous system, your thoughts will stay in your head only.

We need it to move from thinking in your head to believing in your body.

You can’t just pretend. That’s often what we’re doing with affirmations your brain is like “Plleeeeeeeease pleassssse believe this” and Your body is like “Sure Jan, you’re worthy. Ok”

If you want to change a belief, you’ve got to get your body on board and you do that by UNLEARNING the story. Poking holes in it. Debunking it.

The way your brain works now is that it’s always looking to PROVE what you believe.

What you have to do is use your internal google search engine aka your brain and intentionally ask it to find reasons why this story, thought, belief might NOT be true.

If the thought is “No matter how hard I try, things don’t work the way I want them to”, ask yourself if you could PROVE it without a shadow of a doubt in a court of law.

You can’t.

When you intentionally ASK your \brain to find things that HAVE worked for you, you will find them.

Once you start finding the holes in your story, your body won’t just call bullshit because you won’t be asking it to believe something that’s not true.

AND the more you debunk the OLD thought the more your OLD story will feel untrue to your body.

THIS is how you change the default settings from spending most of your time feeling anxious or shut down with the occasional slip into Calm AF to spending MOST of your time feeling Calm AF with the occasional slip into anxious or shut down.

Once you’ve poked some holes in the story, you’ve opened a portal to possibility.

If I don’t HAVE to believe these thoughts anymore, what does that mean COULD be true?

The second step in the rewire process is remembering who the fuck you are WITHOUT the stories in your trauma backpack.

What if I was a person that things DID work out for? Since I know there is some truth there, that COULD be who I actually am.


Since I’ve got this evidence of how I AM a good person and not a broken shell, what would be the version of me who BELIEVES that, walks around thinking that on default? Who might that be?

Remembering is one of my favorite things in the world to walk through with clients because what happens is their soul light begins to SHINE through the holes we just poked in the stories.

And they SEE it. For the first time in a long time or maybe EVER, they get to see what I can see so clearly.

That they are a GORGEOUS BEAUTIFUL worthy soul with a human brain they’re believing.

One of my favorite favorite workshops I teach in Rewired is the Future Calm AF Self workshop and this is where my clients align FOR REAL with who they really are.


When you are aligned with your Calm AF Self you will learn the way this version of you exists. How you think, how you handle conflict, how you set boundaries, how you dress, what you spend your time doing, who you spend your time with, AND very importantly how your Calm AF Self THINKS.

Now, you’ve got your Calm Self thoughts.

And to override your protective self thoughts we move to step 3 which is the actual rewiring of the thoughts.

What does this mean?

Repetition repetition repetition.

Having these thoughts in the FRONT of your mind every day, many times a day.

But not the way you’re USED to trying to change thoughts, whiteknuckling in your brain. Your BODY is on board now, so the repetition is actually sinking down into your subconscious.

Instead of TRYING to believe the thoughts in your head, you are EMBODYING the thoughts.

And that’s the fourth part of the rewire process: the integrating or embodying of the new thought.

Here’s what you need to remember.


Just because you’ve embodied a new belief does NOT mean the old backpack stories are erased. Just because you build a new road doesn’t mean the old road disappears. That neural pathway will always be available BECAUSE those thoughts probably DID create true safety for you at one point. That’s why your body believed them.

Believing “I’m too sensitive” probably DID protect you from being judged or ridiculed or punished when you were a child so your body held it forever.

But now that you know that being sensitive isn’t a flaw it’s a freaking superpower , you can understand that the only reason you were handed that story is because it ]your parent had NO ability to self regulate so they needed YOU to hold in your feelings, once you know THAT… you can believe something new, but the old story will remain.

And it’s important to know that because when you are tired, stressed, going through a rough patch, sick, mourning, whatever….it is LIKELY that your brain will automatically pull you back to the old neural pathway out of habit because it’s familiar. It’s not because your brain is an asshole, it’s just your efficient nervous system doing what it’s supposed to do.

Alright so THAT is how you actually rewire a thought for real, for good, for life.

In Calm AF Life you will go even deeper into the process along with EVERY other concept I’m teaching in this Calm AF Forever series. The thoughts modules are especially robust, like in the workbook you get pages of practice sheets not to mention the opportunities to get coached when you get stuck.

Definitely make sure you plan on listening to next week’s episode. It’s a VERY special one.

Love you so much! See you next time.

– Kristen

– AND –

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And if you want to dig deeper and work with a coach who’s GOT YOU, contact me to set up a free consult or to apply for my exclusive coaching program, Rewired AF. I love working with people who are hard on themselves, the over-thinkers, people pleasers, perfectionists, and overachievers. Any of this ringing your bell? I’d love to hear from you!