“To become your Future Self you have to change the habits of your Current Self. Here are 5 CALM AF steps to take.”

Episode 244

5 Calm AF Steps to Becoming Your Future Self

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Hello, Gorgeous Soul.

We are somehow, inexplicably moving into the second half of 2023.

Technically July starts the second half, but what I love to do is re-visit my Future Self plans and goals in JUNE so that I have a solid plan for the second half of my year.

I don’t know if it’s like this for any of you, but I tend to slow way down in the summer, in good ways and in not great ways. I’m all about slowing down and prioritizing fun and joy, but in the past for ME, anyway, that slowing down often leads to abandoning my goals.

If this sounds familiar to YOU, and you’re looking to enjoy the slower days but also not feel like you’re starting from scratch when summer turns to fall, I’ve got something for YOU.

The Advanced Future Self course and workshop.

I share a lot about goal setting, but this workshop takes your Future Self creation to the next level.

Today I’m going to share with you the 5 steps I will teach you in the course, so you have an idea of what Calm AF goal setting looks like.

In a nutshell, it’s anti-torture. It’s anti-shame. It’s lightening UP and enjoying the JOURNEY so that you can get to the destination faster.

Ok, so The Advanced Future Self course will be available on June 9th.

It’s a DIY, self paced mini course that you get to keep forever, so obviously you can come back and watch it anytime.

There’s also a BONUS  LIVE workshop where we’ll go through the whole process together so you can make SURE you actually set those Future Self goals and create an actual PLAN that you can hold in your hands. That happens on June 16th at 11am ET and you can plan on about 2-3 hours. If you can’t make that live, you’ll get the replay AND a chance to send in your questions ahead of time if you get stuck.

I’m doing a special price of $197 for my Calm AF listeners until June 16th and then the price goes up and obviously the live workshop goes away.

If you’re a member of Calm AF Life, this is already included and the course will probably be added to the portal before the 9th. So you don’t need to do anything but sit back and enjoy!


I want to tell you the 7 steps that I have used over and over and over again to be becoming my future self over and over again.

First, let me tell you what I mean by Future Self.

It’s the version of me already living the life that I want to be living.

We are always in a state of becoming our Future Selves but most of us are doing it unintentionally.

We are going through the motions HOPING to change our relationships or our jobs or our finances or our bodies.

But what got you HERE, is not what will get you there.

If you want to become your Future Self, you can’t just HOPE, you can’t just set a couple goals and sporadically think about them.

To become your Future Self you have to change the habits of your Current Self.

Because your current habits created your Current Self.

Your future self is showing up differently, your future self is doing SO many things differently.

And that is often why people give up before they start. Because they KNOW that they’re going to have to do a lot of things differently and THAT feels overwhelming.

Luckily, the calm AF process eliminates that.

You know that if it feels really hard or like too much, you’ve set the wrong goal. You’ve probably set it from your CURRENT mind. You’ve probably tried to logically set your goals based on your past experiences.

You’re going to create the goals differently this time.

You’re going to create your Future Goals FROM the mind of your Future Self.

The goals are going to feel like YESSES in your body.

And sure, there is action to be taken and new habits to create, but when you’re Becoming your Calm AF Future self, you are feeling CALM AF the whole way.

Like I said, this process has allowed me to transform almost every single area of my life many times over.

The steps I’m going to share with you today and teach in SUPER depth in the course are the exact steps I’ve used to dramatically change the relationship I have with my body, with food, with exercise. If you didn’t know this I struggled with disordered eating for MANY years and today? I don’t. I feel super free and empowered instead of out of control and always freaked out.

It’s changed my relationship with my HUSBAND. Omgosh if you don’t know our story, there’s a New York Times bestselling book that can give you all the deets. In a nutshell, Dave and I struggled HARD for a long time in our marriage. And today we are ACTUALLY and GENUINELY thriving. And we’re VERY differently wired.

Let me share a little more here. In my marriage my BIG DREAM goal was that we felt free and light and that our relationship was filled with EASE. That is how it feels today, but it’s important to remember that there was a point of time when I didn’t believe that was possible. At one point my future self goal was to JUST feel OK. So I had to learn the Future Self version of me who felt OK in my marriage. How did she think? How did she take care of herself? What did she need to stop doing? What did she need to do more of?

Eventually, i felt OK in my marriage. And so THEN I asked myself how does the NEXT version of my Future Self feel? Today we are where I always always wanted to be. My big goal, the place I wasn’t sure would EVER happen. And so I’m having the MOST fun thinking about how it can get even BETTER.

These Future Self steps have made me a better MOM, they’ve made me a better COACH, they’ve made me a better business owner.

ALSO? More productive. If you didn’t know I’ve got some real ADHD here. I was diagnosed like 25 years ago, so I took all the shitty stories I had about how limiting my ADHD was and turned it all the way around. My future Self thought the ADHD was a fucking SUPERPOWER, not a limitation and that is how I genuinely feel today.

Now. That doesn’t mean I just think OH isn’t my ADHD so great and doesn’t it make things so EASY? Of course not. I had to learn new skills. I had to create from scratch a TIMEBLOCKING system that worked specifically with MY brain. And that process took years because as I became my Future SElf, the next version of my Future Self had bigger dreams requiring better time management and organizational skills.

Every tool, every concept, every UPlevel I’ve ever gone through did NOT happen because I was hoping it would. It’s because I used these 5 steps and had a plan that felt ALIGNED with how my future Self feels.

Alright, so let me share those 5 steps with you.

STEP ONE: Give yourself FULL permission to want what you want. 

Before you decide what your Future self goals are, you need to let yourself dream REAL big. I’m not interested here in your safe, reasonable, realistic plans. Before we get there I need you to use your imagination like you haven’t since you were a KID. I was just talking to my Calm AF Lifers the other day…you know how we don’t try and tell kids not to use their imagination. When Parker was little ALL he wanted to be when he grew up was a DOG. We didn’t tell him he couldn’t be a dog, because what’s the harm in feeling that joy and excitement? One of the saddest days of my life was when he asked me “Hey mom…..if I want to be a dog when I grow up, does that mean I would’ve had to have been born a puppy?” Permission to want what you WANT.

What this step is doing is giving you access to your inner GPS. Limiting your imagination here is like telling the GPS to take you to to pool when where you really want to go is the OCEAN. If you want to know how to get to your Future Self life, your FEELINGS will lead the way.

If you dream big and have 20 million dollars in the bank, it’s NOT necessarily 20 million dollars you NEED. You are wanting whatever FEELING your brain tells you having 20 million dollars in the bank would create.

Alright so that’s step one.

Step two is to do a Current Self Audit.

In this step you’re going to see what you’re doing already that’s working, so you know what do continue.

And you’re going to take a non-judgy look at where you are now in each of the different buckets of your life. I call them buckets, what I mean is like your relationship bucket, your physical health bucket, your mental health bucket, your home bucket. YOu’ll look at each bucket and non-judgmentally RATE how this area of life feels NOW. And then ask yourself the very important question of WHY?

Why do you rate your physical health a 6?

Why do you rate your marriage a 3?

You’re going to be auditing how you get here…how you spend your time, your habits and your thoughts.

Now if you’re going through this on your own, a word of warning. Your brain is gonna wanna beat you up here. It’s gonna wanna take you to “Oh, well you got here because you suck. You got here because you never follow through. You got here because you aren’t strong enough to stand up for yourself.” Please please if you’re doing this future self creation on your own, DO NOT DO THIS. If you’re doing it with me in the course and workshop, don’t worry I GOT YOU.

This current self audit is an actual GOLD mine of INFORMATION. And if you cna just gather the information about the thoughts, habits, and activities got you to your CURRENT life, you will be way more prepared as you move towards your future self. You don’t have to change every current self thought or habit, you really need the awareness so when it pops up, you can just say “Oooops….not a future self thought. Try again.”

Step THREE You will do a Future Self alignment. I like to guide my clients through a future self visualization where we take our current self audit to our Future Self’s house and sit down and interview her. This is what I mean by setting goals and deciding on actions from the mind of your Future Self. The version of you who already HAS what you want? That person can answer your questions. Often times WAY easier than you think. Because what happens in the future self visualization is I get your nervous system NICE and regulated so that you can HEAR your intuition instead of your fear. It’s amazing how easily you can connect with your Future Self when you’re in Calm AF energy.

In this step you will hear from your future self so you can find your GOAL for each bucket. If your marriage was a 10 instead of a 3, how would you feel?

STEP FOUR: Alright, so now we’ve got our GOALS for each bucket it’s time to find the HOW. This is the most important step but in order to achieve the goal there DOES need to be action taken.

But NOT the way you’ve been trying. The way you’ve been trying would look like this:

Ok if i rated my marriage a 10, then I would feel appreciated and ease. So how? Well, we definitely need marriage counseling. He needs to learn to communicate better. She needs to stop losing her temper. I need to learn how to say things differently so he doesn’t get upset all the time.

THAT feels pretty awful.

Instead we’re going to create alignment banks for each of the feeling states we’ve determined for each bucket.

So. Let’s say appreciated is the feeling goal. And I’m glad I’m using this example in the podcast. When you set a goal that can only be achieved if someone ELSE does something, your goal is going to fail. You don’t have control over your partner appreciating you. That doesn’t mean you don’t want to feel appreciated. We just want to tweak that. You can’t control if someone appreciates you, but you CAN align with the feeling of appreciation. So in your alignment bank, you’re going to come up with as MANY things as you can think of that make you feel appreciation. Maybe you appreciate a clean sink. Maybe you appreciate the blue green color combo that’s so abundant in the spring. Maybe there are songs that help you align with the feeling of appreciation. THIS is what you include in your alignment bank.

Because think about what will happen if your goal is to feel appreciation and all day long, you’re aligning with that feeling? You will feel the way you want to feel. No one else required. NOW so that no one thinks you’re just gonna gaslight yourself and think you need to live with someone who clearly doesn’t appreciate you, here’s what I’ll say. When you empower yourself to start aligning with how your Future Self wants to feel every single day? The things that DON’T align become very very clear. Speaking your truth is easier when you are in your Future Self’s mind. Knowing when and how to set boundaries becomes clearer when you are already feeling how you want to feel and you don’t need anything outside of you to make you feel that way.

The alignment bank is FUN. Another opportunity to use your imagination. What makes you feel happy? This song, this color, this person, this activity.

Ok STEP FIVE: You are going to narrow down your focus. You are going to choose 1 bucket MAYBE two to put your focus on for ONE MONTH. We look at Future Self goals REGULARLY, once a month for a bunch of reasons. First, because the more you remember to engage with your goals, the quicker you manifest them. Second, because once you get going in this process, the faster you move from one version of your Future Self to the next. So you might focus on the physical health bucket for a month or two and then when you reevaluate after a month, think “Huh, that feels pretty solid right now. I feel like there’s enough habit in place here that i can focus on something else.” Also? Sometimes we just WANT to switch focus. THis is ok for ANY reason whatsoever. This Calm AF Future self process is designed to work with REAL people, not machines. And real people’s moods and wants change. We’ve been programmed to believe we have to be nothing but consistent bro, but the Calm AF way is relentlessly committed but consistent ISH. Literally how I’ve changed my life many times over, I never ever stop moving towards my future self, but I let it be messy and I let my intuition lead me. These future self steps create STRUCTURE so that inside the process I can feel free.

Alright, so that’s it. THAT is the Calm AF way to manifest a life that you LIKE, a life that you genuinely enjoy. The Advanced Future Self course is coming June 9th. When you join, I’ll send you a future Self playlist, and then in the days leading up I’ll send you a few more goodies. Can’t wait to see you create the life you want. You deserve it.

You are worthy right now of a life that feels how you want it to feel.

You aren’t going to create it by doing what you’re doing now, though. Time to get in your Future Self head and learn the calm AF ways to manifesting.

Love you so much.

– Kristen

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And if you want to dig deeper and work with a coach who’s GOT YOU, contact me to set up a free consult or to apply for my exclusive coaching program, Calm AF Life. I love working with people who are hard on themselves, the over-thinkers, people pleasers, perfectionists, and overachievers. Any of this ringing your bell? I’d love to hear from you!